Flowers, movies, books and more

Well here's some good news. Now that I'm out on the job hunt with more activity there have been some favorable reviews of late. Firstly, It appears that there is no worry about at least something temporary that will probably help me make a couple hundred bucks. I have an orientation for a temporary driver for a flower shop for Valentine's Day. The orientation is on Thursday at 1 (which will cut into my time at the career fair, but it starts at 10 and I'll be there right away to make the most of it). Driving would only be on the 13th and 14th, but I won't mind if it's a way to make some extra money since I'm not making any at the moment.
Secondly, I turned in an application at the Kalamazoo 10 theater. The manager guy I spoke with asked me some questions and liked that I had cashiering and cleaning experience. Also, he said that after he checks his roster to see what kind of positions he has, he'll give me a call, but did say that if I don't get a call that it just means that things are slow and that I should apply again in the spring. He seemed pretty pleased with me after those couple of minutes, so I'm fairly hopefully, and won't mind if I don't get a call because I think I safely say that it is due to lack of available hours and not nearly as likely that it was something I did wrong, like bomb an interview (like I did on the phone with Target a few months ago).
I picked up an application for Barnes & Noble, which without knowing much about what I might be asked to do seems like a dream job to me. I love the store and I love books in general, and I am a writer, and envision having my own books there someday, so it would be pretty cool to work there. But we'll see.
I was going to fill out a Sears application online, but I'm in the library and it doesn't seem to want to navigate to the application, which now that I think about it might be a good thing, just in case, because I am on a public computer, and I would be providing some sensitive information. I'll just have to see if I can fight for some computer time on either Jim's or Jeff's computers tonight. It really stinks not having a working computer of my own right now, but I can handle it for the time being. I guess.
You may have noticed that my last few entries have not been aligned in the justified way, and perhaps there are some spelling errors. The computers I have used lately have not included the alignment tabs, and sometimes the spell checker doesn't pop up. After my accident on Jim's computer, I am not going to allow my entries to be erased because I wanted to make sure I spelled everything correctly. I can understand about the iMacs not having the alignment tabs and everything, but why not Jeff's computer? It's a PC after all. What's the freakin' deal?
Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, there is a career fair on Thursday, and I'll be going. I got an email today that there are companies looking for people with my major. I don't know if any of them will want me, but more importantly, if any of them do, I wonder if that would require me to move away from Kalamazoo. I am beginning to wonder if my unwillingness to relocate is holding me back from taking the next step in my life. Truth be told, though, that I am trying to do my best to do the best work I can for God. It seems like my time with InterVarsity fulfills that, but what if I am stuck in a comfort zone? I have to take that into consideration. It will take time and prayer to figure it all out, but in the meantime, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be making some real money and finally be able to pay off my student loans and everything. A good credit score for Bob? Is that possible?

Stuff it

Well, I said I would update on the status of my late night at the Valley and everything, but now that I have 1)lost my original entry, and 2)gone so long without updating about it, it just doesn't seem right. So I'll give a brief and hurried account for the heck of it, and then be able to move on. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Let's see, late night, played DDR until 2:30, tried to sleep on a rickety futon in hopes that I wouldn't disturb Michael when I turned over, but he passed out quickly. People were talking and shouting and making general noises that made it both difficult and to some degree easier to sleep. I had never slept in the Valleys until that point, and it had been 4 years since I had slept in a dorm at all, and almost 5 since I actually lived there. But anyway.
It's been a bit of a weird and desperate time for me lately. I have spent a good deal of time in prayer, especially while walking, which I did a lot more of because my van was having problems (which I now know to have been the front left brake wearing out for some reason, which is odd since my dad replaced them on both sides just over a month ago). And I've had an ultimatum set down for me: get a job and see a change in my financial situation, or else I'm out by the end of the month. I have spent some days in fear and desperation, losing sleep and being rather depressed. I did get myself out for some applications today, one of which is for a couple days extra help at a flower shop for Valentine's Day, and another for K-10 movie theater. I'll be hitting Barnes & Noble tomorrow for the heck of it. I would really like to work in a book store since it would at least seem to be something like close to my degree in creative writing. I figure my books will eventually be sold there anyway.
We had a party for my grandmother's birthday yesterday, and my sister got lumped in there, too, since my sister's birthday is Wednesday (she'll be 25) and my grandma's is Thursday (she'll be 82). It was fun and stuff but it was yet another reminder of how I don't know how much longer I'll be seeing my grandmother. I sometimes worry if I get a late call from my mom that my grandma has passed, but thankfully that hasn't happened. I do know that when she does leave us it will be for God's glory and in His plan and everything, but I can't help but be sad anyway.
Another fun part of the weekend was going out with my mom, sister and the kids. We went to the Grand Rapids Children's Museum, which was fun in and of itself, but then we went out to eat. Lily, my niece, decided to start sticking her pizza-sauce-smeared face against my cheek and was hugging me around my neck. I offhandedly said that I wished there was a girl 20 years older than her (she's 4, so that would make the girl about 24 or so) who would do that to me. She said I'll never find a girl or lady and I'll never get married (though she later relented and said I would). Uncles don't get married she said. As if I'm not already feeling pressure in general that I'm to the point where I should be married and having kids (though obviously it would be my wife carrying them to term, because, well, the whole physiology thing and all).
But the final fun of the weekend comes in the form of the house being broken into. I went home for the weekend, Jim went to MAC for the weekend, Jon left to go to his grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary party, and Jeff was out celebrating his birthday on Saturday night. Sometime between 5 and 10:30 was when the culprit struck, and it appears he only took money for the most part, and some things he could sell or wanted, like Jeff's camcorder and Jim's model plane. Nothing of mine appears to be gone, but I don't have money just lying around, mainly because I don't have money. On the plus side we might just be getting a security system installed. That would be pretty okay with all of us.
So thus ends my synopsis of the week. I hope you have enjoyed the rollercoaster that is my life. And if you don't, just look at the title and take my advice.

Let's try this again: Dr. Re-Type, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Trust the Computer

I am sitting in the library at Western typing this up, because I made it to the International Luncheon but since my laptop is refusing to boot up I am forced to spend my interim time between now and set-up for IV doing something, and it might as well be productive, like typing up the entry I spent a good deal of time on last night and promptly lost. Alas. I notice on this wonderful iMac machine that a lot of my normal options are not available to me, like italics, which I would have used to make "wonderful" earlier in this sentence more obviously sarcastic. Forgive me, then, if for this entry anyway, that I use quotation marks instead of italics when it comes to book, movie and television titles, as I am more correctly apt to use. I thought about just adding a note saying that if you read it before I got a chance to make the changes (possibly tonight, but who really knows) that I would change it to italics later, but that takes a part of the heart of this entry away. Plus, there would probably be too much work involved. Okay, no there wouldn't be, and it would totally satisfy my English nerdiness to put everything that is properly supposed to be in italics in italics. But anyway...
I was about to start typing up about what happened with all the DDR action on Saturday, but maybe it is my mood, maybe it is because I can't do as much on this machine (like italics), but more likely is that it has been too soon since my lost entry to want to relive it again. I'm sorry. You'll just have to live with it. Maybe later tonight, or more likely tomorrow, I will fill you all in. Of course, more will have happened by that point, so it might make for even more fun in the line of writing blog entries. Yeeha!
Oh crap! I just realized that I can't justify this entry either! (That meaning I can't align the text to stretch to both sides of the screen as opposed to just lining up on the left; I certainly can defend and provide meaning for having written this silly little entry without worry that my argument would not be sound.)

I just lost my work

Well, I had a nice update all written out and was about to do a spell check, but Jim's computer doesn't accept pop-ups, so I tried to change the settings, and then it wanted to navigate away from what I had written, and I lost it all. So maybe I'll update tomorrow when I am on campus for hours on end. It just probably won't be as wonderfully written as I brought to the screen and now have lost. Alas.

New Name

Not that it matters too much to anyone who hasn't read my blog before this, which would be almost anyone reading it now, but I have decided to change it from "The Portal into the World of Bob" to "Bobblings" because this really is just a venue for me to rant and rave and such. It comes from my friend Darcy, who came up with it, because I tend to babble a lot, but because my name is Bob, she called it "Bobbling." Why not have a cooler name for my blog, eh? Of course, it would be even cooler if that were the web address for this thing, bobblings.blogspot.com, which I could just as easily probably get and change this to, but I already got a gmail account earlier tonight that I am going to switch over to, so why deal with having a different blog, especially since I already had an online diary before this and I still haven't taken care of that before it gets sucked into the ethos.
Anyway, I am sleeping over in Ackley tonight with my friend Michael. I will have more on that, and the events of this evening, later. Ciao!

Memoirs of a gaijin

I have been finding myself more and more missing Japan lately. It could be an immense coincidence, and I could just be looking for things to remind me of it, but it seems like everywhere I go and everything I do recently has made me Japan-sick.
I think it really began to surface on Thursday. After IV that night, I found out that people were playing DDR in the Burnhams, and I excitedly joined in. Although I wasn't nearly as good as the top people, I was still holding my own and impressed a number of people. And since there were so many participants, I took my off time in practicing, doing the moves behind the pads and making myself more sore and tired in the process. Still, it was such a fun experience.
And last night we went bowling, after playing more DDR first. Jamie was there, and I asked her if it reminded her of any sort of club, namely JJ Club in Japan where we bowled once. (That is also where I played a lot of DDR.)
And today I was feeling rather drawn to thinking of my other country in the fact that we're playing more DDR and I got a case of vertigo again, which happened to me almost every day for about a week after arriving in Japan. I think there were other reasons why I have had Japan on my mind lately, but I can't think of them right now. All I know is, if I am offered a position to go back there again, I am taking that as the sign that I should return to teach English and to help the church reach out to the community. But I am fully aware that my desire to return could be contrary to what God has planned for my life. All I know is I am destined to write, and tonight at Friday's I was writing in my head and have since written down my notes so I don't forget them. God is pretty amazing when it comes to inspiration. I had 3 Dr Peppers and the creative juices got flowing. I have a new beginning to my book now, which I think will make it a whole lot better. In fact, I have a chapter title as well, which is going to make writing the thing so much easier. I should really sit down tomorrow and work on that, because otherwise I am just going to be able to make more excuses not to work on it for a while. With any luck I'll have heard from someone about a job in the next couple of days. Chuch E. Cheese anyone? I know I could really use some skeeball practice, oh please oh please.

Spending more time on campus than when I was a student

Greetings from Kanley Chapel. This is the fourth day in a row that I have been to this building at some point or another, though admittedly only on Monday and today has that really been for any real length of time. I have been on campus for about 2 1/2 hours now, and will be here for another 7 or so. I decided to go to the International Luncheon this afternoon and met a rather nice girl named Yuko who hails from Tokyo. It was a pleasant conversation, and I hope to have more with her in the future, as well as with many more international students.
The "highlight" of the lunch, I would have to say, was when Kathy squished a donut on my face. She actually did it twice, though thankfully the second time, which was by far the creamier of the two, she let me take my glasses off first. Hopefully it did some nice work on my skin.
Haven't heard anything from the greenhouse job, but I did have a phone interview on Monday with Chuck E. Cheese. I would say it went pretty well. It certainly was a whole lot better than the one I had with Target a couple of months ago. I even got a thing in the mail the next day with some things for me to sign from their "Pre-employment" packet. Although I can't say I will probably like the hours (it is a mid-management position) the thought of working there has started to grow on me, especially because odds are looking good that they might hire me. It would presumably be good money and would be good experience, plus I would probably get to work with kids, and maybe I just might be able to get a discount for my sister if she ever wants to have any of her kids' birthday parties there again. The only question is, would I be able to get time off for things like Chapter FOCUS Week or SLT? I'm probably thinking too far ahead, so I won't worry about that for now.
My grandma has been in the hospital a bit lately. Not that I really think she is going to pass away because of it, but last night I did kind of let it sink in as to what would happen if she were to die soon. It has kind of put a melancholy feeling into my mood since. But you know, I'm not worried too much. If it means she's feeling better, and that it works to fulfill God's will, that's a good thing. Plus, she would be with grandpa. I just hope I get to see her again soon just in case.
To end on a higher note, last night as I was walking to the Valley I Bible study I happened upon a lady walking up my street who wished my company as she walked, to help her feel safer. We had a nice little conversation that ended on God, and it set me into a state of spiritual giddiness for a few hours after. What a good time. I do hope that my work schedule, presuming I get hired at Chuck E. Cheese, allows me to attend that Bible study on a more regular basis. But again, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I didn't mention that I made thank you cards (and one birthday card) before writing this. I can't draw very well, but I think the sentiments will shine through nevertheless. And I think there will be smiles all around.

In case there was any doubt as to how much of an English nerd I am...

I just got back from applying for this job at a greenhouse. As I had already learned from the internet ad that prompted me to go in, it was through a personnel service, and I have to say, I was quite intrigued by the whole process. I went in dressed in khakis and a nice short-sleeved dress shirt, which I had taken the time to iron, and I made sure to write down on a cheat sheet of sorts all of the phone and address information of my employment history, as well as references. I needn't have bothered on pretty much all accounts. The only information I didn't have memorized, since they didn't actually as for addresses, was the phone number for the TRU in Kalamazoo. I didn't even need references. And judging by the assortment of people also there, I could have gone in wearing jeans and a t-shirt or something. But I didn't know, and I'm not necessarily sad at the whole thing. I at least get the honor of walking around looking nice the rest of the day (though, obviously, I could change if I really wanted to).
One of the fun parts of this whole experience was this little test they had us take. One of the questions, question 11, was titled "Pronouns." With that title in mind I began to wonder at the choices for answers, given that the one that fit was "the," which is a definite article. The next choice was "it's" which is of course a contraction for "it is" and not the possessive pronoun "its." I began to wonder in my head if they had a typo and were really trying to have "its" be the answer, especially because it would have fit in the sentence in question. But after a bit of pondering whether or not I should bring it to the attention of the employees, I realized that if a choice had been "its" it would have conflicted with "the" and have made it much more difficult to answer the question, especially for an English nerd like me. I figured what they were really trying to test was to make sure that people realized that "it's" and "its" are not the same thing, and that "it's" would not work in the sentence, thereby making "the" the correct choice no matter what. The thought process has me a bit tickled. I am such a huge English nerd, because grammar debates, even ones in my own head, fill me with such happiness and energy that I want to burst and dance in the streets.
I had a little interview after filling out the application and the test. I would say that it went pretty well, and that there is promise getting into the greenhouse. Of course, a lot of people have applied, so there might be problems on that front. There are orientations to get people to see if they would like to do the work, and there is one on Thursday, but it is hard to tell if I will be able to fit into it (though I will know today if I have a shot). If not this week, I will be notified on Monday or so when the next orientation will be held. Not that I'm holding my breath, but I would really love it if I could get the orientation this week, since it would mean I could see if I wanted this job and that I could take it if it does work out, and then I would be able to presumably start really soon instead of having to go back to TRU, which is my prospect if this job, or any of the others I have applied to online, doesn't bite. Although there is always hope if Jon's cousin can get me in at K-10. Not that I should hold my breath for that one, either.
I don't know if it was the application, the interview, or something else, but on my drive home, my eyes were more open and I saw architectural nuances I had never noticed before, and that added a nice touch to the day. Of course now, after getting back home and settling back into my chair, I am feeling the effects of not sleeping well, or maybe of needing lunch, so I not nearly as energetic. Alas.

Celebrating something that no longer has much meaning

Today is an important day to me, and has been for half my life. It is odd to think that this "birthday" coincides with another that no longer has any real meaning since the person in question, Elvis Presley, is deceased (live with it). But nevertheless, I still to this day, 13 years later, celebrate the birthday of my first beloved brainchild, Nebulas.
This series of short stories began when I was in 8th grade. It was absolutely ghastly. I have been writing for almost my entire life, and even by the standards of that period in my life it was still rather horrific. It was my attempt at writing science fiction. I have learned since then that I am not cut out to write in that genre. Of course, over the years the characters have evolved and grown and I have done so many things to expand the Ferron Galaxy beyond the page, whether it be creating Lego models and characters, attempting to come up with a language, writing an encyclopedia with the material from all of the stories, etc.
Now, I haven't really written anything new in Nebulas in years, and don't really plan to, other than including it as something the fictional Bob writes in the stories that will come out of my Nanowrimo work. I tend to review some of what I have written, or one of the various files of mine based on the stories, as a means of honoring the work I have put into it. Plus, I always watch a science fiction movie or show, and this year I just enjoyed Star Trek: Insurrection, which is probably my favorite Next Generation movie. And I always wear something green (which is the color of command for some reason). It's a pretty good time.
It is becoming more and more clear that although I have a better scope on what I should be using my writing talents for, that all of the things I have written in the past have been a huge indication that I was always meant to be a writer. That really rocks the Kasbah.

A case of the anticlimactic

I should have posted this yesterday, but my desire for sleep what it is...
So we had inventory. When I arrived at 6 yesterday it was to the request that I go and straighten the sports area of the store. Granted, only 2 aisles really, but still, to my horror, it was in shambles. I started getting mad, wanted to know who had done this so that person or persons could be recommended for firing, then thought of who the closing manager might be, and postulated that that person should be fired as well. But my anger and stress eventually subsided when I put my troubles to God. It ebbed away considerably, in fact. Granted, once inventory actually started up my stress levels skyrocketed again, but luckily I got to go home very early. I think they were trying to cut hours and saw that they could handle the situation since there were so many inventory people there. It probably finished pretty quickly, I hope. But I didn't really care. After I got home I ate, read a little, and slept for about 5 hours.
Now, I have been kind of bad this week home. Rather than really doing anything related to the job search, I decided it was better for me to watch episodes of The West Wing. This was not a rational decision probably by any means, other than the fact that it's my favorite show, I just got the 4th season for Christmas, and I have so many seasons of shows to watch since I also got them as presents that I am highly motivated to get through them all so they don't last me forever. I'm very weird that way. But for some reason tonight, or more correctly this morning, after I fell asleep, I had to get up to use the bathroom a couple of hours later. Granted, this is not beyond unusual, and the fact that I couldn't immediately get back to sleep is also not surprising. But that was over 4 hours ago, and I'm still not back asleep. I am starting to feel a bit groggy now, so maybe I'll get in a couple of hours or something, I don't know. But what's important about this time of consciousness is that I used it to not only finish a Star Wars book that I have been working on, but I also went to a few online job sites and applied to somewhere between 6 and 10 jobs, I think, with at least one place I will go to this afternoon after I am back in Kalamazoo. Granted, I can't say I expect too much to come from all of this, but I at least made an effort and hopefully something will bite and I can get out of this city and back where I belong, especially since I've dragged my feet enough, and school is starting up next week and I need to be able to work with IV and see my friends and not go insane any time soon. Plus the fact that when my time is divided, I really don't do any work on my writing, other than this blog, and that gets me no where closer to my dream and goal of being a published writer this year. In fact, I want to be published before the next Nanowrimo. Since I was able to finish the contest, I have pretty high hopes for getting published, even though that rests in the hands of editors who might not appreciate my work. Hopefully I won't have to water down my text to get into the literary world. Although I guess that's one of the reasons I have a blog, so I don't have to do so.
Anyway, I am going to nap a little bit now, as the only reason I am still in town is because I am waiting on a check that should be at Toys R Us by 3 hours from now. With any luck, I'll be up in time to pick it up, go to the bank in Kalamazoo, and swing by to pick up an application for a job that although probably doesn't pay that well and won't probably last that long, will still be a means of supporting myself for now. I can only hope.

I need to work on my freedom or I will have to hold myself in contempt of heart

There is something strange about being up at 4 in the morning and knowing I have gotten more than 8 hours of sleep the night before. Thank goodness this is the last time I have to deal with that for a while.
But anyway, today is inventory at TRU, and getting prepared for it has been quite the fun task. I have had the "honor" of getting the baby section up to scratch, which hasn't been too hard, but hasn't been too easy either. Part of the problem for me has been getting the peg sections of the various aisles set to the point where there was only one kind of item on a peg, so scanning it into the system today would result in a more accurate count. For example, I had to make sure that although some blankets might look the same, if they didn't have the same SKN number (that's the number that identifies what it is in the system) then I had to move it somewhere else. That was my most fun aisle, the blanket aisle. I am still amazed at being able to make it all work, for the most part. God was definitely on my side. I was getting so bored and angry back there since all I did yesterday was check peg items and make sure all was okay, and the music wasn't playing in the background for some reason, and without it I became tired and bored and considerably more irritable. But eventually I thought about how I didn't have to be annoyed, I could work on it and roll with it and entertain myself in my head or by singing out loud or something. Plus I admired the cleverness with which I handled the situation. This is going to be fun counting everything out today!
But I have noticed over the past few days especially that there really is a strong truth to being careful who you spend your time with, as they affect what kind of person you are. As far as I know, and I could be totally wrong, but based on behavior no one else on third/early morning shift would seem to be Christian. I base this especially on the kind of jokes and comments made by just about everyone. I usually remain quiet and don't laugh at a lot of the jokes they say, but sometimes I just can't help myself, and either enjoy the humor or wind up saying something I really shouldn't. It also doesn't help that there is a girl who flirts with me a lot, even though she has a boyfriend. It is very tempting sometimes to flirt back and say things that are not appropriate, and sometimes I have unfortunately given in to those temptations. But today things will be too distracting with inventory to hopefully keep me focused on the task. I'm not going to be naive enough to think that nothing will happen, but I can at least have something big to focus on to help distract me.
I also have to wonder about making judgments, too. There is a guy, a new World Leader (which is the TRU term for a supervisor of a particular section, or "world") who happens to have under his jurisdiction the baby section. I don't know much about him. I haven't even seen much of him anyway. All I really know I have gotten from Shelia and a bit from my sister (and the impression I have gotten in passing by overhearing conversations from some of the other shifts at work). This overall assessment of this individual has been predominantly negative, that he is a jerk (and more unpleasant terms, but I don't want to run the risk of putting up bad words on my blog, thank you very much). He came in on Tuesday morning and my defensive shields went up, but after a little time I began to wonder if I wasn't basing too much of my opinion of this guy on what others said. Granted, by the time my shift was over I had some doubts about his decision making, but I was giving him more of a benefit of the doubt. With any luck, it won't matter much longer.
Which turns me to the job hunt. I really need to get a job in Kalamazoo. I know, I have been whining about it a lot lately. I need to get a job there because Satan really has been using this as a foothold into my heart and it tears me away from my service and worship of Christ. I am frustrated right now. I get tired a lot, don't feel I am as able to accomplish goals while I am in Grand Rapids, and miss my friends terribly. I already have to deal with missing Japan terribly, I am wondering how many things I can grow fonder of in my absence. I was made for crazy little friend adventures, and I don't get to have them when I'm stuck going to bed at 9 if I want a good night's sleep. And this stinks.
But anyway, I'm going to see if I can't get some reading in before I have to officially "get up" for work. I already have gotten in some quiet time Bible studying this morning. Although I will be tired early today, and will again nap because of it, it is refreshing to see me getting in this time right away in the morning even when I have to get up so freakishly early.

Resolve this

Here I sit, up later than I should be, because yet again I took a long nap in the afternoon knowing full well that it would make it hard to sleep before I had to go into work in the morning. But oh well. It is the end of the second day of the new year, which in reality doesn't really mean much, because the start of a new year is relative. We just all agree to it. I mean, the year used to begin on April 1st, and they changed it to January, spawning those who still believed in the old system as April Fools. But enough about that. As much as I would like to use this entry to expound upon how cynical I seem to be lately, I want to make sure I put down my resolutions right from the start.
If you recall from my second to last entry, presupposing of course that anyone actually reads my blog and keeps up on it and reads it in order, I mentioned that I don't normally make resolutions. Can you guess why? I am not very good at setting or keeping goals. I kind of talk about doing things a lot but never actually do them. Which is one of the reasons I don't have a job in Kalamazoo yet, no matter how much I might want one and wish I could be there right now. I could be hanging out with friends or on another crazy adventure with my roommates. And I could probably afford it, too, since so much of my income wouldn't be devoted to paying for gas to drive back and forth to Grand Rapids. But anyway.
Knowing that I am this way, I don't make resolutions, because then I'm actually acknowledging that I have things I want to do with my life that I know I won't end up doing. Heaven forbid I actually make an effort and try to change and come through on my promises to myself. I'm apathetic. I am afraid of failure. I don't like rejection. The funny part is that when I try at things and go through them to not even always the best of my abilities I tend to succeed, or do decently enough to be proud. But it's hard to see that beyond the fear and worry and it's easier to watch television and read and sleep than to change.
But for once I am going to work on the change. I have already seen that I can come through on goals if I try, even if I am way behind (that is, Nanowrimo, for example, which kicked my butt at the end, but I kicked it right back and won). So I have made some resolutions. I guess three technically, but since one of them will hopefully be resolved soon, and only the other two really are about changing more in a long-term sense, it's really 2. So yeah.
Like I said, if you have read my blog you will have seen that I have resolved to be a better Christian. Things have been interesting in that regard. I talked with my parents about what it was like to go to the Mormon church on Sunday. It was a fascinating discussion that was the second spiritual conversation I have had with my parents in just over a week. It is wonderful how God has been providing natural conversations about spiritual matters with my parents lately.
But in this resolution I think is kind of a sub-resolution. When I walked to the Mormon church yesterday afternoon my danger sense went off when I thought that it might be that kind of service. I immediately thought that if I knew before I went in there that it was a church of that nature that I wouldn't even go in, that I would turn around and walk home and leave Rachel to wonder what had happened (and even as it was, she worried about me when I showed up just in time, as if I couldn't find the place). It occurred to me that I might not be as open minded as I could be. Not to say that I want to immerse myself in services at the Mormon church or anything. But that is not to say that I will turn my back on Rachel or any of her friends from church that might cross my path in the future. Although my faith is important to me, and from what I can tell is very important to Rachel and her friends, that doesn't have to be what any friendship we might have has to rely on. But I am wary of the fact that having non-Christian friends can be a means of keeping me from my faith, a roadblock or a deterrent or something. It is like a set of scales that is hard to balance, to know what is right, because as a Christian it is my job to reach out to those people around me who are not saved, yet if I spend too much time with people who are non-Christian and am not guarding my heart and allowing myself to be immersed in something like conversations that always revolve around sex or going to parties and drinking all the time or something, I fail not only them and myself, but especially God. I want to be open. But I know what might get me into trouble. My intellectual curiosity has limitless interest, yet I need to learn the boundaries of good taste, and what serves God best.
The second resolution isn't nearly as big, but it is important. I guess it's a broader resolution than I might have realized. I was going to say that this resolution was to drink more water, which is very important. I don't really drink water that much. I drink many things that are water based, like Kool Aid and fruit juices that we make from concentrate and stuff, but it's not the same. I seem to be experiencing the driest winter season in terms of my skin that I have suffered possibly ever, or certainly for a long time., My lips are particularly dry and chapped and cracked and have even bled and stuff. I know that at least to some extent drinking more water has helped me with a health problem I have been having. (Warning: I am about to talk about something rather disgusting, which is an actual health problem of mine, but which I understand is not the most enjoyable thing to read, so afterward, I will put in bold and italics and in color "IT'S OVER" to let you know to read some non-disgusting items. Hopefully.) I have had a problem with hemorrhoids. I mean, a really bad problem. When I'd go to wipe, I would see a big stain of red, and I would look into the bowl and find it bloody as well. My mom suggested I drink more water, and it isn't anywhere near to being a problem anymore. I just hope drinking more water can help to improve my health in other ways, even though there may be other circumstances impeding my health. IT'S OVER by the way. Anyway, in the water resolution is also the desire to get back into shape. I can stand to lose some weight. I would like to trim up my tummy. I would like to tone my arms better. I would like to not feel sore from running around or walking or playing with my niece and nephews. I would like to not feel so old. I don't need any help in that department.
And lastly, the third resolution is getting a job in Kalamazoo, if that wasn't obvious. Of course, all the time I've spent writing this entry I could have used to look for a job at one of the many online job sites. Really goes to show you where my priorities lie, right? I think I'll get a glass of water and see what happens next.

Ham sandwich, pickles and pancakes

So I guess I'm not done posting for the night, especially since it would seem that my nap and the events of the evening/morning are driving me towards staying awake through my early morning work today. I have to leave in less than two hours, and I want to watch at least the rest of the West Wing episode I was watching before I go, plus I want to pack for the week and pick up my laundry, so I won't be snoozing until probably noon or later. Such a joy.
So, after I last updated, a few hours ago, I decided, like I said, that it was time to get some food. I decided to yes indeed have some pickles, but I wanted to garnish it with something, more of a main course something than, say, applesauce, which had occurred to me earlier in the day but of which I did not partake. I made a sandwich, with two kinds of ham and some salami. I also started to watch the episode of West Wing that I now need to finish. Not too long after I finished my meal, and close to half an hour into my viewing of the episode, Jim sticks his head into my room and says that he and Jon are headed to IHOP. Now, by this point I was still hungry, but not nearly as much as I had been only half an hour earlier. But since by this point I was fairly certain I was staying up anyway, and since I still had a $10 bill in my wallet, I figured, what the heck, why not live a little. I'm always up for late night adventures with my roommates.
So we get to IHOP and are greeted by two nice waitresses. After a nice bit of pleasant conversation that almost ended with us standing to eat, we were seated. It took us a little bit of time to get our orders ready, but after we got our drinks, we decided to do a little hopping on the seats. We were hopping at the IHOP. This attracted the attention of our waitress, the other waitress who had helped seat us, and I think the only other waitress in the restaurant, who seemed to be mainly serving the smoking section from what I could tell. They started doing a party dance and even leaned in on Jon and myself to dance. I all too briefly had the cutest waitress shaking her butt on my arm.
The waitresses stayed in our company for a little while, and the discussion continued with talk on the third waitresses breast size, bras, and what the girls would like to do to really dance out the party song by having tear-away clothes. I was trying desperately not to laugh, but kept saying to my companions that I was so happy that I had come (which made sleeping for about 5 hours during the day when I had not intended to do so much more rewardable).
Alas, when a couple of girls that the waitresses knew came in a short time later, our dancing attention dwindled. We had nice meals, though I couldn't finish mine (stupid ham sandwich). I am going to finish it up when I get ready for work in about an hour. And my eyes are starting to droop, so I might just lay down for half an hour to get rested up. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Anyway, to finish off IHOP, when we got our checks, on the back were drawn each of our waitresses, with me getting the cutest one on the back of my check. Alas, we did not get to keep the drawings, and alas, they were not accompanied by numbers. Of course, Jim is dating Darcy and doesn't need to get a number, but what would have been so bad about Jon or I getting one?

How can something so wrong seem so right?

I have a lot to say about the last week: comments on the holiday, my attitude about the holiday, resolutions for the new year, and a bunch of other hodge podge. Hopefully I will take the time in snippets to digress on many an issue over the next few days, especially helped by the fact that I have switched from third shift back to early morning crew. Yeah, this should be fun.
But what I really want to talk about is what happened to me today. It was an interesting combination of forgetfulness and a willingness to connect with an old friend. And actually, the friend in question was someone I used to date, a year ago (well, more than that now that we have crossed into 2006), and our break-up was mainly because she went to Alaska to teach for a year. Our relationship probably would have fizzled out had she not gone, but because of the way things ended, I have to admit that now that she is back I have had the thought cross my mind about the possibility of getting back together with her. That is no longer an issue. I really doubt that will happen now.
It actually all began yesterday. I got a call from this friend, Rachel, asking me if I wanted to join her at a New Year's Eve party at her church. Now, I had finally had it confirmed earlier in the day that my roommates and I were actually truly invited to a party at Loi's and Lori's place, so it was kind of odd to now have 2 options. But I thought about it and planned to party hop. But I didn't know where the church was, and when I called Rachel her phone was in her coat, so she didn't get my message. I called her back around 11:30, by which point I was downtown and set to watch fireworks instead of being anywhere else to ring in the new year. She called me back after the dropping of the ball (and the city had a time about 20-30 seconds after my cell phone called it midnight). It was a nice exchange. She invited me to church today, and since I was actually in town and not sure when to go to the River (would they have a combined service for the holiday or their usual services, I didn't know, since I haven't been there since before school let out) I decided to go. The thought of going to church at 1 also appealed to me. And since the church is not too far from the house, I was able to take in a nice walk.
It was on this walk that my danger sense prickled. It occurred to me that I didn't know what kind of church this was. I had remembered that Rachel was Catholic, but I also had heard that while she was in Alaska she had "gone Mormon" if you pardon the expression. She had had Mormon friends while I had known her in 2004, but during our conversations it had seemed like she was fairly strong in her Catholicism, so I didn't know of the rumors were true, though even if they were, somehow I had gotten the feeling that she had "come back." But I wasn't sure. I had left later than I wanted on my walk, and I got a call from Lauren, and by the time that ended, it was almost 1, so I didn't have a chance to check out the name of the church (I had approached it kind of from the back/side).
Can you guess what kind of church it was? That's right! Mormon. By the time I knew this for sure I had already sat down, and things were starting. Had I known before I went in, I was fairly certain I would have turned around and walk home, but I didn't get that chance. Let me tell you, that was an intriguing hour plus of my time. It was an interesting "sermon" of sorts, which consisted of 4 different speakers, and apparently it was only a coincidence that a couple of them were on the same topic. There was even communion, though it was called "sacrament," and yes, I did take it. Of course, there was water instead of wine (I remembered that Mormons, as far as I know, don't drink, which would explain why Rachel was adamant in an earlier phone conversation that she doesn't drink). But why did I take "sacrament" in a Mormon church when I am so totally not Mormon? Well, for whatever differences there are between Christian and Mormon beliefs (most notably that there is a whole other section of the Bible filled with books that seem to me beyond apocryphal), I got it in my head that I should 1) not be rude to my "hosts" and Rachel by refusing, and 2) I knew if I didn't I would probably be asked why later, and I didn't want to get into a lengthy discussion, nor did I want to give them any reason nor room to try to convince me to consider Mormon ideas. It was bad enough I was sitting through a service.
But then again, it was almost as if the service didn't want to take it self too seriously. There were many jokes (which are not uncommon in church from my perspective), one of the speakers was not eloquent at all (and had to hold up his notes to ask what a word was), another joked his way through needing any sort of scriptural support (which especially irked me when he used something from the Old Testament, which as far as I could tell really didn't illustrate his point, and merely "sounded cool" like the speaker said, but more on scripture later). Another guy was talking about plainness, and maybe I missed what his actual meaning of the word was supposed to be, because how can he spout talk on that issue and then talk about how going out on mission (which I don't think was the same as me going on my mission trip to Japan, but anyway) brings you back "infinitely more attractive."
Yeah, so scriptures. Not only did almost all of what was cited came from I am guessing the Book of Mormon (since they were books that I didn't recognize in the least), when they actually went to the real Bible, it was like it was a joke (as stated above) and it also seemed tainted as well. It didn't help that one of the books, Doctrines and Covenants, was referred to at some point as "D & C," reminding me of a rather crude way of referring to a means of conducting an abortion from the book The Cider House Rules (and as far as I know, is or at least was used in medical speak, since my mom, who has worked in hospitals for a long time, used it naturally when I talked about it with her).
Now, in case you noticed the title of this entry (which I really hope you did) I want you to understand that I don't consider Mormon views as something wrong that seems so right. That is what I think of those people who are Mormon, believing in something that is so wrong to me, but is so right to them. And to some degree I can understand. During the prayers, from what I could tell there was nothing "bad" about what they said. Any of the prayers could easily be transferred word for word to a Christian church that prays in a similar way (more structured and formal). The hymns, although bland, seemed to have a good theme of growing closer to Jesus and stuff. But yet, at the heart of it, I got this feeling like there was too much bureaucracy with this church, and that their priorities were considerably messed up. "Celestial marriage" was brought up, that of being married to someone for eternity, and all I could think of was guys having many wives. Are you then married to all of those women for eternity? And there was talk of the idea that it's God's "job" to get us ready for eternal life (though I may have misconstrued this, I will grant that possibility). How can that be? I don't think God owes us anything. We owe Him EVERYTHING. We are pretty freakin' lucky to be able to receive His love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, blessings, etc. We do pay a "price" in that we must live a life following the example of Jesus and reading the Word and stuff, but it really is a matter of heart as opposed to deeds. I could go through the motions of reading the Bible and going to church and helping out with InterVarsity and everything, but if I don't accept Christ in my heart, then I'm screwed.
Maybe it has been because I've had time to process and think about things, but I think I could take on a discussion and defend my Christianity if I were to talk to the Mormons about issues now. And you know, as much as I felt uncomfortable sitting there and wanted to flee as soon as I could, I am not sad I went, because I truly believe God wanted me to be there, and this is why: last night I made a resolution, as someone who traditionally doesn't make resolutions, to become a better Christian, to grow stronger and closer in my relationship with God, to read the Bible more, and to rely on God when I am in pain and in trouble. You might think that going to a Mormon service on the first day of the new year would be contrary to this, but it was not. It convicted me that I don't know the Bible as well as I should, and that I wanted to read it to defend and prove that Christianity is right, and Mormonism is wrong. I thought about what their motivations were, if they were truly from God or if they were based with men. Here is a section of Acts 5 that displays this in words better than I would be able to do: 33When they heard this, they were furious and wanted to put them to death. 34But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, who was honored by all the people, stood up in the Sanhedrin and ordered that the men be put outside for a little while. 35Then he addressed them: "Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. 36Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. 37After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered. 38Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. 39But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God." (NIV) Considering the fact that Christianity seems to be flourishing supremely better than Mormonism, I believe and know that I'm on the right side.
But I wonder, was I put there to work on bringing Rachel, and possibly any number of other people, to Christianity? Was it to show me why I should not pursue any sort of romantic relationship with Rachel? Was it solely to convict me of what I need to do in order to fulfill my resolution and serve God in the best way I am able to do so? Things happen for a reason, we don't always see why. All I know is I want to read the Bible more and put some plans into motion. More on that, and how it goes, in the future. For now, I feel I have typed enough, and maybe have gotten a little too preachy, so I'm going to take my leave and see if I can't get some food. Pickles sound really good right now.