Resolve this
Here I sit, up later than I should be, because yet again I took a long nap in the afternoon knowing full well that it would make it hard to sleep before I had to go into work in the morning. But oh well. It is the end of the second day of the new year, which in reality doesn't really mean much, because the start of a new year is relative. We just all agree to it. I mean, the year used to begin on April 1st, and they changed it to January, spawning those who still believed in the old system as April Fools. But enough about that. As much as I would like to use this entry to expound upon how cynical I seem to be lately, I want to make sure I put down my resolutions right from the start.
If you recall from my second to last entry, presupposing of course that anyone actually reads my blog and keeps up on it and reads it in order, I mentioned that I don't normally make resolutions. Can you guess why? I am not very good at setting or keeping goals. I kind of talk about doing things a lot but never actually do them. Which is one of the reasons I don't have a job in Kalamazoo yet, no matter how much I might want one and wish I could be there right now. I could be hanging out with friends or on another crazy adventure with my roommates. And I could probably afford it, too, since so much of my income wouldn't be devoted to paying for gas to drive back and forth to Grand Rapids. But anyway.
Knowing that I am this way, I don't make resolutions, because then I'm actually acknowledging that I have things I want to do with my life that I know I won't end up doing. Heaven forbid I actually make an effort and try to change and come through on my promises to myself. I'm apathetic. I am afraid of failure. I don't like rejection. The funny part is that when I try at things and go through them to not even always the best of my abilities I tend to succeed, or do decently enough to be proud. But it's hard to see that beyond the fear and worry and it's easier to watch television and read and sleep than to change.
But for once I am going to work on the change. I have already seen that I can come through on goals if I try, even if I am way behind (that is, Nanowrimo, for example, which kicked my butt at the end, but I kicked it right back and won). So I have made some resolutions. I guess three technically, but since one of them will hopefully be resolved soon, and only the other two really are about changing more in a long-term sense, it's really 2. So yeah.
Like I said, if you have read my blog you will have seen that I have resolved to be a better Christian. Things have been interesting in that regard. I talked with my parents about what it was like to go to the Mormon church on Sunday. It was a fascinating discussion that was the second spiritual conversation I have had with my parents in just over a week. It is wonderful how God has been providing natural conversations about spiritual matters with my parents lately.
But in this resolution I think is kind of a sub-resolution. When I walked to the Mormon church yesterday afternoon my danger sense went off when I thought that it might be that kind of service. I immediately thought that if I knew before I went in there that it was a church of that nature that I wouldn't even go in, that I would turn around and walk home and leave Rachel to wonder what had happened (and even as it was, she worried about me when I showed up just in time, as if I couldn't find the place). It occurred to me that I might not be as open minded as I could be. Not to say that I want to immerse myself in services at the Mormon church or anything. But that is not to say that I will turn my back on Rachel or any of her friends from church that might cross my path in the future. Although my faith is important to me, and from what I can tell is very important to Rachel and her friends, that doesn't have to be what any friendship we might have has to rely on. But I am wary of the fact that having non-Christian friends can be a means of keeping me from my faith, a roadblock or a deterrent or something. It is like a set of scales that is hard to balance, to know what is right, because as a Christian it is my job to reach out to those people around me who are not saved, yet if I spend too much time with people who are non-Christian and am not guarding my heart and allowing myself to be immersed in something like conversations that always revolve around sex or going to parties and drinking all the time or something, I fail not only them and myself, but especially God. I want to be open. But I know what might get me into trouble. My intellectual curiosity has limitless interest, yet I need to learn the boundaries of good taste, and what serves God best.
The second resolution isn't nearly as big, but it is important. I guess it's a broader resolution than I might have realized. I was going to say that this resolution was to drink more water, which is very important. I don't really drink water that much. I drink many things that are water based, like Kool Aid and fruit juices that we make from concentrate and stuff, but it's not the same. I seem to be experiencing the driest winter season in terms of my skin that I have suffered possibly ever, or certainly for a long time., My lips are particularly dry and chapped and cracked and have even bled and stuff. I know that at least to some extent drinking more water has helped me with a health problem I have been having. (Warning: I am about to talk about something rather disgusting, which is an actual health problem of mine, but which I understand is not the most enjoyable thing to read, so afterward, I will put in bold and italics and in color "IT'S OVER" to let you know to read some non-disgusting items. Hopefully.) I have had a problem with hemorrhoids. I mean, a really bad problem. When I'd go to wipe, I would see a big stain of red, and I would look into the bowl and find it bloody as well. My mom suggested I drink more water, and it isn't anywhere near to being a problem anymore. I just hope drinking more water can help to improve my health in other ways, even though there may be other circumstances impeding my health. IT'S OVER by the way. Anyway, in the water resolution is also the desire to get back into shape. I can stand to lose some weight. I would like to trim up my tummy. I would like to tone my arms better. I would like to not feel sore from running around or walking or playing with my niece and nephews. I would like to not feel so old. I don't need any help in that department.
And lastly, the third resolution is getting a job in Kalamazoo, if that wasn't obvious. Of course, all the time I've spent writing this entry I could have used to look for a job at one of the many online job sites. Really goes to show you where my priorities lie, right? I think I'll get a glass of water and see what happens next.
If you recall from my second to last entry, presupposing of course that anyone actually reads my blog and keeps up on it and reads it in order, I mentioned that I don't normally make resolutions. Can you guess why? I am not very good at setting or keeping goals. I kind of talk about doing things a lot but never actually do them. Which is one of the reasons I don't have a job in Kalamazoo yet, no matter how much I might want one and wish I could be there right now. I could be hanging out with friends or on another crazy adventure with my roommates. And I could probably afford it, too, since so much of my income wouldn't be devoted to paying for gas to drive back and forth to Grand Rapids. But anyway.
Knowing that I am this way, I don't make resolutions, because then I'm actually acknowledging that I have things I want to do with my life that I know I won't end up doing. Heaven forbid I actually make an effort and try to change and come through on my promises to myself. I'm apathetic. I am afraid of failure. I don't like rejection. The funny part is that when I try at things and go through them to not even always the best of my abilities I tend to succeed, or do decently enough to be proud. But it's hard to see that beyond the fear and worry and it's easier to watch television and read and sleep than to change.
But for once I am going to work on the change. I have already seen that I can come through on goals if I try, even if I am way behind (that is, Nanowrimo, for example, which kicked my butt at the end, but I kicked it right back and won). So I have made some resolutions. I guess three technically, but since one of them will hopefully be resolved soon, and only the other two really are about changing more in a long-term sense, it's really 2. So yeah.
Like I said, if you have read my blog you will have seen that I have resolved to be a better Christian. Things have been interesting in that regard. I talked with my parents about what it was like to go to the Mormon church on Sunday. It was a fascinating discussion that was the second spiritual conversation I have had with my parents in just over a week. It is wonderful how God has been providing natural conversations about spiritual matters with my parents lately.
But in this resolution I think is kind of a sub-resolution. When I walked to the Mormon church yesterday afternoon my danger sense went off when I thought that it might be that kind of service. I immediately thought that if I knew before I went in there that it was a church of that nature that I wouldn't even go in, that I would turn around and walk home and leave Rachel to wonder what had happened (and even as it was, she worried about me when I showed up just in time, as if I couldn't find the place). It occurred to me that I might not be as open minded as I could be. Not to say that I want to immerse myself in services at the Mormon church or anything. But that is not to say that I will turn my back on Rachel or any of her friends from church that might cross my path in the future. Although my faith is important to me, and from what I can tell is very important to Rachel and her friends, that doesn't have to be what any friendship we might have has to rely on. But I am wary of the fact that having non-Christian friends can be a means of keeping me from my faith, a roadblock or a deterrent or something. It is like a set of scales that is hard to balance, to know what is right, because as a Christian it is my job to reach out to those people around me who are not saved, yet if I spend too much time with people who are non-Christian and am not guarding my heart and allowing myself to be immersed in something like conversations that always revolve around sex or going to parties and drinking all the time or something, I fail not only them and myself, but especially God. I want to be open. But I know what might get me into trouble. My intellectual curiosity has limitless interest, yet I need to learn the boundaries of good taste, and what serves God best.
The second resolution isn't nearly as big, but it is important. I guess it's a broader resolution than I might have realized. I was going to say that this resolution was to drink more water, which is very important. I don't really drink water that much. I drink many things that are water based, like Kool Aid and fruit juices that we make from concentrate and stuff, but it's not the same. I seem to be experiencing the driest winter season in terms of my skin that I have suffered possibly ever, or certainly for a long time., My lips are particularly dry and chapped and cracked and have even bled and stuff. I know that at least to some extent drinking more water has helped me with a health problem I have been having. (Warning: I am about to talk about something rather disgusting, which is an actual health problem of mine, but which I understand is not the most enjoyable thing to read, so afterward, I will put in bold and italics and in color "IT'S OVER" to let you know to read some non-disgusting items. Hopefully.) I have had a problem with hemorrhoids. I mean, a really bad problem. When I'd go to wipe, I would see a big stain of red, and I would look into the bowl and find it bloody as well. My mom suggested I drink more water, and it isn't anywhere near to being a problem anymore. I just hope drinking more water can help to improve my health in other ways, even though there may be other circumstances impeding my health. IT'S OVER by the way. Anyway, in the water resolution is also the desire to get back into shape. I can stand to lose some weight. I would like to trim up my tummy. I would like to tone my arms better. I would like to not feel sore from running around or walking or playing with my niece and nephews. I would like to not feel so old. I don't need any help in that department.
And lastly, the third resolution is getting a job in Kalamazoo, if that wasn't obvious. Of course, all the time I've spent writing this entry I could have used to look for a job at one of the many online job sites. Really goes to show you where my priorities lie, right? I think I'll get a glass of water and see what happens next.
posted by Bob. @ 23:51
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