I would be remiss

Well, I've been lazy when it comes to posting on this blog, but I have to let those who only access my world through it that Lenya and I aren't dating anymore. She initiated it, but I agree that it's for the best, and will probably spare more heartache later on because of her going on study abroad in the fall.

But that doesn't mean I don't hurt now. It's rather annoying. When I am distracted and hanging with friends I'm generally fine. Unfortunately, any time my mind has a chance to think about anything, it has a tendency to focus back on Lenya and then twist my heart into a knot. I don't know, I think despite the fact that we were only dating for just over 6 weeks, it seemed longer, or maybe was more compact in stuff. It's hard to let someone go you spent a good deal of time with and cared about deeply. We may be leaving each other on the prospect of being "friends" but it's never going to be the same, I expect. Alas.

Also, because I've wanted to say this for a while: I have a blog of note, at least according to Joe Krahn who was my friend in Japan, and is still there.

Now for more distractions.

My life, my predicament

I feel the need to get this out in the blog world, but knowing that this is my least read blog, and the fact that in all honesty, it is my most serious blog, it garnered the right to have an entry of this magnitude in it.
I am having a crisis of faith as it were. Well, not so much a crisis as a conflict. I am faced on one hand with a relationship that is really wonderful, with a woman who is beautiful, smart, funny and fun to be around, creative, talented and delightful. This relationship for the most part makes me happy, happier than I have been in a while. It's a very nice thing.
But then on the other hand we have the pressure that has already come to bear, and most likely will continue to be born, on it from my roommates and a good deal of my friends. I don't want to make it sound like I am discounting what they have to say, and not considering it, because I am. They make valid points. And they are talking to me out of love. But a large part of me can't help but feel that they don't really know what they are talking about, and that despite their good intentions, they couldn't be more wrong.
It also doesn't help that my impression (and this may not be the case, it is merely my perception) is that my roommates are being very judgmental and not very open to Lenya. Okay, she's non-Christian. But that to me is not in and of itself a bad thing. Does Lenya have flaws? Yes, but don't we all? I was hanging with a bunch of Lenya's friends last night, and Friday night actually, too. Granted, there were some moments that I did not like (the religious jokes or some of the really overt sexual commentary), but overall I felt very comfortable. These people accept me. I don't know if they know that I am Christian or not, and perhaps that would help to alleviate some of the tension if they for sure knew that, I don't know. But at the very least, we had a good time. We talked about stuff. It's obvious to me for the most part why these people are Lenya's friends. They are nice. They make me want to be their friends, too. And the impression that I get is that they would not mind that themselves.
So what is going on? What does it look like to you? I hope I am not glossing over things to paint a picture that I want you all to see, even though this post is going to be influenced by the way I feel. The way I feel is that the secular and non-secular worlds of my life are clashing, and right now, the secular world is being a lot friendlier. So for those scant few out there that read this, I am pretty positive now that you should be able, without being a Blogger member, to comment. I'll make sure, but I want to hear what you have to say. But in case that doesn't still doesn't work, drop me a line at bknzone@gmail.com. I want to know what you have to say on this, even though I wrote it in the blog of mine that gets the least readership.

I'm a genius!

Well, what do you know. I was right, but didn't want to run the risk of losing what I had written (see previous entry for details). For some reason I had been stuck on the "Edit html" tab instead of the regular "Compose" tab, which means that I didn't have all the options normally available to me. Like justifying. Or changing the font colors or something. I could even change the font and size if I wanted, but I don't care right now. Now that I realize what was messed up I'll probably provide more insight into my life at this site.

But don't hold your breath.

Ignoring my oldest blog like my parents did me

Well, okay, even though I am the oldest of three children, I wasn't really ignored. But for some reason I tend to ignore this blog even though it is my oldest (unless we're counting my old Diaryland site, which I don't use anymore, or in a way, the old Angelfire site I used to have that has since as far as I know been sucked back into the ethos).
I guess the main reason is that although there are some people who read this, it doesn't have nearly the readership that my other blogs have. So it is easy to ignore. Although I tend to use this as the "serious" blog now. But I don't really have anything serious to report right now. Other than it is only 3 days until Goblet of Fire comes out. This is my excitement: crappily done movies based on one of my favorite books (my favorite in the series, actually). I just got an idea and want to post this before I try it, so you'll get two entries for the price of one.