Bobblings

Don't leave home without clean underwear

2007-08-22T00:25:00.000-05:00

It may have been a dream, but it holds a valuable lesson.

Rose Tyler and the second incarnation of her doctor are a lot more fun in person. They like to take you on trips throughout the universe, traveling through time and space. Sure, you might end up in a clear plastic suit with everyone able to see your boxer shorts, but that's okay. It's all in the spirit of adventure.

I love Doctor Who, and getting the chance in this weird way to be a part of it was magical. But what was the best part? It was as if my mind knew it should fit the dream into episode format, because right at the end I got one of the most wonderful treats: I found a soda fountain with melon soda. As the Doctor and Rose shared my happiness, the theme music started up, and I awoke the happiest I have been in a while.

Sweet merciful crap

2007-08-09T23:15:00.000-05:00

I have been recently going back to some of my blogs to try to get myself posting again, or else figuring out if I should just shut down the blog entirely. It's odd that the last entry I posted was about me not posting for a long time, and here I am again more or less doing the same thing. who would have thought I was so banal.
Since no one is probably going to read this, I would just like to say that I have a Nintendo Wii that I got for my birthday, shipped to me and that arrived last week Tuesday, and I have not played it yet, partially because I want a nice time window for it, but also because I want to keep it a bit of a secret from my video-game-obssessed friends. The XBox just left when Jim moved out, and I am so happy that people can't come over and play Halo or Halo 2 anymore. I certainly don't want people showing up expecting to get to play (or for the express purpose of playing) my Wii, although knowing I can have veto power is kind of a nice power trip.
Eventually I am going to have to face reality and actually look for a better job and figure out if there is any way I can go to grad school next fall, or if I even want to do so. If only I could play the lottery and win a decent prize so I could pay off my student loans, not have to worry about paying for my graduate work, be able to live semi-comfortably while doing my graduate work, and maybe have some money left over for a decent honeymoon for when I get married. But how would that teach me to work for what I want?
Time for some Bible reading and maybe some episodes from Season 2 of The Office. Because there really isn't a better combination. If I get some Harry Potter in there it might just be a quaint little threesome. (That's what she said.)

Lost in a blogging world

2007-02-03T14:51:00.000-05:00

For all the lack of posting, since I haven't updated since my birthday, which was almost 7 months ago, the odds are good that no one ever checks this thing. I don't even really blog anywhere anymore, and I have 6 blogs. I don't know why I got so many, other than maybe I felt obligated and/or pressured by the blogs my friends have. And now I don't even have the decency to do anything about any of them.

But I want to change that if I can. This is my first blog, of the modern sort (since technically the Diaryland one I had would be my first, but since I really don't use that anymore, we'll skip it). So how about an update?

It's snowing outside, windy, and cold enough polar bears have space heaters. Work (delivering pizzas for Papa John's, a job I qualify for with my degree in creative writing) called a while ago asking me to go in. I am not sure I want to do so. I haven't given a definite answer, but when I have a day off, especially one this cold, I like to stay in if possible, even if it means making some decent money. I'm kind of scared to drive, actually. When you hear reports of massive pileups on the highway, and that the snow is falling and blowing so hard that one can't see, that's a vote for staying in. I think it best if I at least get ready for the possibility of them calling me in for sure, but the other part of me is wishing I could stay wrapped in a blanket all day, watching more episodes from the sixth season of West Wing. Is that so wrong?

Anyway, to anyone out there reading this, I send my love. If you happen to actually read this post, please leave a comment so I know someone is out there. Thank you.

They say it's my birthday

2006-07-17T22:20:00.000-05:00

It's my birthday, and I haven't updated in a while, and I wanted to update all my blogs today, but as I have a friend waiting to watch a movie with me, I'm not going to say much. Hopefully I will later.

Things revealed, although the situation has changed

2006-06-25T22:33:00.000-05:00

So, the situation that I have been talking about revealing: well, things have changed, yet there are still some things that need to happen that are very much the same.
So here's the sitch: I have a friend, who is a girl, who shall remain nameless, who has been sort of wreaking havoc not only with my emotions, but also giving lots of other people cause to wonder whether or not she either liked me, or was interested in a number of other guys. She's a bit of a flirt, but in a way that really makes one not be sure what the heck her intentions are.
But to make matters considerably more interesting, she has, at least until recently, taken to calling me on a fairly regular basis, as well as using me as a means to keep her out of boredom, randomly showing up at my house, taking over my bed, and popping in a movie. I actually had to ask her to leave at midnight one Sunday evening because I had to get to bed for work the next morning.
Now, this is a girl who I really knew I shouldn't date or anything, and didn't necessarily have feelings for, but when she'd cuddle into me and give me looks and flirt and whatever else, I have to admit I started considering the possibility of the two of us getting together. I have had to consult some of my roommates and a mutual friend of the girl's and mine in order to get advice as to what to do. They all suggest having a talk with her. Unfortunately, I haven't taken the time to actually have that happen. We haven't seen each other much in the last couple of weeks, which has been kind of nice, but as she's leaving town next week, if I don't have this talk, not only will I feel the coward, but also it may lead to some weirdness come the fall. And I really feel like this is a conversation that I should have.
But to make things interesting, this girl knows something about me that not a lot of people know. It's not a bad thing, but it is something that is kind of confusing, and she doesn't really understand and has kind of misconstrued some things because of it. She apparently has some questions, but she's unwilling to ask, and if she doesn't ask, I feel she will probably never truly get it. Perhaps this is something that will come up during the eventual and necessary conversation, but I don't know. At the very least, it has helped me to at least for the most part cut the heartstrings that kept me kind of attached to her. Which is really the best thing I could have hoped for.
So there you go, the situation or whatever I called it has finally been described, if in an altered way. Thus concludes me updating all of my blogs: Blogger, Xanga, Livejournal, Facebook (a blog of sorts, but not really) and MySpace.

It's coming

2006-06-13T11:25:00.000-05:00

That thing I said I'd update about, a week ago? It's coming. I thought maybe it had resolved itself, and that posting would be a moot point, but it's still a problem. I just don't have time right now to do it. Hopefully either tonight or the next day or so. And then I'll get to say how it was resolved when it is! Because there just doesn't seem to be a way that God will let me sit idly back on this one. Well, I can, but it's only going to get messy, I suppose.

I've been bad

2006-06-05T20:10:00.000-05:00

I really figured I would have updated since Chapter Focus Week, but I haven't gotten around to it. And I have to admit, there was something specific that was supposed to go here, but now that I see the time, and wish to actually get a decent amount of sleep, I realize that I can't do it justice right now. Which hopefully means that I will come back and give that update soon. This just seems like the right blog for it. (I now have 4, picking up a MySpace just over a week ago; I know, overkill.)

Anyway, since I made a promise to myself that I would update all of my blogs today, and since I don't have anything else I can think of in my tired state to write about, I will digress on how I am looking forward to soon watching my traditional viewing of the 7 aired episodes of Covington Cross. This series aired in 1992 on ABC, and I taped all the episodes. For some reason in 1994 I decided to watch them again. And thus the tradition was born, to watch them again every 2 years.

It seems kind of weird to me, I admit, to think that I am probably one of only a handful of TV dorks out there who cares about this series 14 years later. You have no idea how much I would love to find that they had released the series on DVD, complete with the 6 unaired episodes they made. But so far, no luck (not that I've looked too hard, mind you). I guess I'll just have to satisfy myself with the series I have. That can't be too hard, can it?

Send in the clones

2006-04-29T01:43:00.000-05:00

I just wanted my two readers to know that for the next week I'll be on a retreat and won't be posting. Deal with it.

Mood music

2006-04-24T19:52:00.000-05:00

Last week a couple of friends of mine and I finished watching Cowboy Bebop. They had never seen it. I, owning the series, have seen in completely through about 5 times or so now. It is my favorite anime series. It's not just because of the storyline or the characters or anything like that. It also incorporates one of my greatest loves: music.
Before I ever owned the series I invested in a box set of series music with my then fiancee, Crysta, which I thankfully still own today (having bought out her share of the set and burning her a copy). In honor of ending the series, and looking for something to help keep me awake when I drive the distance to Grand Rapids in the early morning, I decided it was time for me to give it a listen again. And I've just been finding it intriguing how the music has fallen in my driving to fit the mood or spirit of what was happening or what was to come. Early Saturday morning on my reluctant drive home to join my family for a trip to Chicago (reluctant because I hadn't slept well and was heavily thinking about skipping the whole thing entirely, though I'm glad I didn't) I was treated to some tracks that seemed like good driving music. On the way back to town that night, I got some jazzy numbers, which fit because I was on my way to the Union to hear some live jazz music with friends. Earlier today I got some calmer tunes to help ease the stress of going in to fill out some paperwork for my new job (calming because I was running late, and the signal work on Westnedge that closed the street down to one lane did not help things). These musical selections were just the way the CDs are laid out, but I find it fun the way things have progressed.
Of course, I have to deal with the sad tunes to come when I drive to work tomorrow morning. But as they also make me reflective, I think all will be okay. I just hope that the flat tire I had today is not an indication of things to come, because I don't want to be listening to "Space Lion" and potentially crying and suddenly have to deal with not having a spare anymore and not making it to work or anything.

Wednesdays been very very good to me

2006-04-19T13:32:00.000-05:00

If I had just one last wish
I would like a tasty fish

No, wait, that's not it.

It would seem I'm not a slob
I just got a sales-type job

Or at least that's what's going on before the background check and signing up for insurance certification classes and everything. Needless to say, after dance class I'm getting a celebration Slurpee.

Happy WC Day

2006-04-15T20:56:00.000-05:00

I just wanted to make mention of this most wonderful of Bob holidays, WC Day. It stands for "Writer's Company," and today it is 13 years old.
What is the WC? It is a series of stories I first started writing when I was in 8th grade, at a math competition of all things. Naturally, at that age, they weren't shining examples of literary gold, but what began that day has shaped me as a person for about half my life now. It is the only storyline that has continued this long, although I have greatly altered it from life in a publishing company to life in college. The characters are still there, very much the same, but it's based more on my own life, which makes sense, since "I" am one of the main characters. I can't imagine my life without the likes of Will (formerly Bill), Meri (formerly Mary), Jane, Jerry, John, Frank, Richard, Genevieve (formerly Jenny), Misty and so many others. And one day, hopefully many will be able to enjoy their exploits.
I just have to get around to writing them. But I have written a nice 81 1/2 page story for Nanowrimo based on two weeks of their adventures. If you want to read it, feel free to leave a comment with your email address and I'll shoot it your way. (coughcoughshamelessselfpromotioncoughcough)

Why do songs and books fall in love?

2006-04-15T16:29:00.000-05:00

So in the wake of my breakup, of course I'm thinking about love. Why wouldn't I? Oh yeah, because it's a painful reminder that I'm alone. No, honestly, I'm not feeling that down in the dumps. But even still, why is it when you don't want to think about something life keeps bombarding you with the issue?
Love. What is love? (Kudos to anyone who had Haddaway start playing in their brains. Minus several million points if you have no idea what I'm talking about.) Why is love so hard to find? This last is a question put forth by one of the songs at Toys R Us. This morning, it had me thinking. Sure, love can be hard to find, and that can be frustrating and cause a lot of annoying emotional maelstroms inside. But then when you find it, isn't it worth it? I mean, the old saying "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved before" rings true to me. The happiness of the times I have loved others outweighs any hurt I may have felt over the course of my years.
Driving this home are the books I've been reading lately, borrowed from my friend Emily. (Well, one of the Emilys. I know far too many people with the same name, and this is only one example. Don't get me started on Jo(h)ns.) They are what I guess classifies as Christian fiction, but they are both from the perspective of twenty-something males figuring out a relationship, oddly enough both of which are with a girl whose name starts with "A". And the second book is actually peppered with interesting lines that seem to apply to my experience with love. Nice little tidbits that help to restore some hope. I only wish there wasn't an underlying sense of homophobia or the need to define what a man is really supposed to be like (not talking about feelings, and heaven forbid either of two guys sharing a small tent happen to roll onto the other, lest they get punched by the other). Oh well, nobody's perfect.
And just to make sure everyone knows, and I'm not just saying this: I'm not in love with someone right now, nor is this meant as some sort of hanging desire for Lenya (no offense if you're reading this, Ms. Rapscallion). Seriously. I just wanted to comment. Or Bobble, as the case may be.

Things are on the rise

2006-04-13T13:43:00.000-05:00

Interview status: State Farm interview went well, and I will receive by letter how it went probably by next Monday. If I was successful (which I have every reason to believe it did) then I will have a chance to have an interview with hiring management. But that is when there is an opening, which is probably going to happen in the vicinity of the next 30 days, but who can say?
The Banker's Life interview went pretty well also, but it didn't last nearly as long (15 minutes compared to the 45 for State Farm). However, I have already scheduled another interview with the branch manager for Monday at 11 to basically figure out if I am a right fit for them, and they for me.
There are pros and cons to each job. The State Farm one doesn't involve selling anything, which does take a good deal of pressure off, but then again, it doesn't pay as well (though still really decently). The Banker's Life one does involve selling, but it does have the possibility to have me making a good amount of money, perhaps even upwards of double what I could be making at State Farm. I know I should not be making the choice mostly because of money, but since my main goal is to pay off my student loans and to save for grad school, the prospect of being able to make a larger dent in those plans makes me kind of wish I could get the Banker's Life job.
I just know that I have to keep praying on all of this, because I really only want to work at the place that God wants me to work at. I know He has my best happiness, and His greatest glory, in mind. That will be enough for me.
Now if I can just survive the day. It's odd that my one day off this week has already turned into such a stressful one.

One down, one to go

2006-04-11T22:36:00.000-05:00

My interview went well today. I still have one tomorrow. I'll let you know in more detail when I'm not trying to get to sleep.

Good news comes in twos

2006-04-10T22:42:00.000-05:00

I had cause to expect a call today setting up a second interview with Banker's Life (an insurance company) and at 1 I got it. That interview is on Wednesday at 2. What I didn't expect was to get a call around 5:30 from State Farm saying that they wanted to interview me, tomorrow at 1:15. I am very excited to have two interviews in one week. Both with insurance companies, sure, but they are both different, and if hired at either one, I would get paid decently, and of course, could pay off my student loans before grad school. I like this prospect a lot.

This seems like the place to post this

2006-04-10T15:45:00.000-05:00

One of the fun things about having multiple blogs and not wanting to double or triple post (most of the time) is that I get to decide what I want to share in each. Well, it just so happens that this update is tailor-made for this blog, because although I know I have only a few readers probably, those that read this actually know the person in question.
Because last night I got to talk to Jessica online, and it was really cool, even if we didn't stray too far from talk of Japan and the English teachers or the took-really-long-to-cook curry she made. I have missed her a lot, because she was one of the cool people I met in Japan and that made the whole time there a lot better for me. Hopefully we can chat on a semi-regular basis so I can hear even more about Japan...and have rubbed in my face all the oishii stuff she got/continues to get to eat.
My internet popularity continues to grow. Why do I feel like I should be scared?

Existence is futile

2006-04-09T19:13:00.000-05:00

It's no fun when I have to spend almost all of my days tired, so I can't really enjoy them. Getting up early for work is no fun, and it usually results in a need for naps, but then the naps tend to make it hard to get to sleep at night, which makes me tired at work, and the cycle continues. Of course, on the few occasions where I can actually sleep in, then I can't get to bed those nights, and the cycle continues there.
Basically what I'm saying is I really hope my second interview goes well with the insurance company so I can get out of this mess. At least until grad school, where I'll be up late studying and writing papers. And loving it.
Now back to no whining.

Not so manic Monday after all

2006-04-03T21:46:00.000-05:00

Today has been nice. I started things off in a crappy mood, but thanks to a viewing of some grad programs I'm feeling pretty fine. Nothing like something that makes you really happy and excited to help get your mind off of something that brings you down.
I have an interview on Wednesday. Other job options are out there and I just have to figure some things out. But I'll get there, and then I can work on writing, and spend lots of time at the library reading poetry and classic literature. I am getting into a good grad school and I know God is on my side for this. I just have to figure out which grad school He's got in mind for me.
I have the chance to get a decent night's sleep for once. Wish me luck.

Tear me in two

2006-04-02T17:11:00.000-05:00

I apparently have a knack for torturing myself. Except part of the torture is healing. Music has always been a big part of my life, and songs that I love are always going to be tinged with sadness if they remind me of people, which they always will. And sometimes I like to wallow in movies that are likely to depress me. But it has to be a balance in dealing with the emotion and keeping myself distracted so it doesn't overwhelm me. Plus there is the need to reclaim some things that started taking on a more Lenya-ish spin and bring them back to being me. Like wearing ties. Lenya likes ties a lot, and although I can't say I wore them any more regularly than I might have otherwise, over the past few days I have worn shirts and ties as a means of making sure that dressing nicely does not mean I'm going to break down and cry, or think too heavily about Lenya.
At least I have some things that are apart from anything that can make me happy. Like the latest incarnation of Doctor Who which started up recently on Sci-Fi. I have seen 3 of the 4 aired episodes and am enjoying it muchly. So much, in fact, that I have mentioned it in all three of my blogs now. For the 3 or whatever of you out there that read this, I strongly suggest it. Of course, I know that some of you out there are indisposed in other countries, so that's not really possible at the moment. Though the first season of this particular series comes out on DVD in July. If one has to wait that long, I suggest renting it.
It occurs to me that my title for this entry could have a very Horcrux implication to it (always the Harry Potter nut am I). I was merely quoting a song title from Stroke 9, one of my favorite bands. It just fits my mood, because no matter how much I wish I didn't, I still care about Lenya a great deal and it tears my heart in two to think that despite the claim that we are to be friends that I'll never really see much of her again. Alas, Babylon.

I would be remiss

2006-03-31T14:04:00.000-05:00

Well, I've been lazy when it comes to posting on this blog, but I have to let those who only access my world through it that Lenya and I aren't dating anymore. She initiated it, but I agree that it's for the best, and will probably spare more heartache later on because of her going on study abroad in the fall.

But that doesn't mean I don't hurt now. It's rather annoying. When I am distracted and hanging with friends I'm generally fine. Unfortunately, any time my mind has a chance to think about anything, it has a tendency to focus back on Lenya and then twist my heart into a knot. I don't know, I think despite the fact that we were only dating for just over 6 weeks, it seemed longer, or maybe was more compact in stuff. It's hard to let someone go you spent a good deal of time with and cared about deeply. We may be leaving each other on the prospect of being "friends" but it's never going to be the same, I expect. Alas.

Also, because I've wanted to say this for a while: I have a blog of note, at least according to Joe Krahn who was my friend in Japan, and is still there.

Now for more distractions.

My life, my predicament

2006-03-05T19:47:00.000-05:00

I feel the need to get this out in the blog world, but knowing that this is my least read blog, and the fact that in all honesty, it is my most serious blog, it garnered the right to have an entry of this magnitude in it.
I am having a crisis of faith as it were. Well, not so much a crisis as a conflict. I am faced on one hand with a relationship that is really wonderful, with a woman who is beautiful, smart, funny and fun to be around, creative, talented and delightful. This relationship for the most part makes me happy, happier than I have been in a while. It's a very nice thing.
But then on the other hand we have the pressure that has already come to bear, and most likely will continue to be born, on it from my roommates and a good deal of my friends. I don't want to make it sound like I am discounting what they have to say, and not considering it, because I am. They make valid points. And they are talking to me out of love. But a large part of me can't help but feel that they don't really know what they are talking about, and that despite their good intentions, they couldn't be more wrong.
It also doesn't help that my impression (and this may not be the case, it is merely my perception) is that my roommates are being very judgmental and not very open to Lenya. Okay, she's non-Christian. But that to me is not in and of itself a bad thing. Does Lenya have flaws? Yes, but don't we all? I was hanging with a bunch of Lenya's friends last night, and Friday night actually, too. Granted, there were some moments that I did not like (the religious jokes or some of the really overt sexual commentary), but overall I felt very comfortable. These people accept me. I don't know if they know that I am Christian or not, and perhaps that would help to alleviate some of the tension if they for sure knew that, I don't know. But at the very least, we had a good time. We talked about stuff. It's obvious to me for the most part why these people are Lenya's friends. They are nice. They make me want to be their friends, too. And the impression that I get is that they would not mind that themselves.
So what is going on? What does it look like to you? I hope I am not glossing over things to paint a picture that I want you all to see, even though this post is going to be influenced by the way I feel. The way I feel is that the secular and non-secular worlds of my life are clashing, and right now, the secular world is being a lot friendlier. So for those scant few out there that read this, I am pretty positive now that you should be able, without being a Blogger member, to comment. I'll make sure, but I want to hear what you have to say. But in case that doesn't still doesn't work, drop me a line at bknzone@gmail.com. I want to know what you have to say on this, even though I wrote it in the blog of mine that gets the least readership.

I'm a genius!

2006-03-04T21:24:00.000-05:00

Well, what do you know. I was right, but didn't want to run the risk of losing what I had written (see previous entry for details). For some reason I had been stuck on the "Edit html" tab instead of the regular "Compose" tab, which means that I didn't have all the options normally available to me. Like justifying. Or changing the font colors or something. I could even change the font and size if I wanted, but I don't care right now. Now that I realize what was messed up I'll probably provide more insight into my life at this site.

But don't hold your breath.

Ignoring my oldest blog like my parents did me

2006-03-04T21:20:00.000-05:00

Well, okay, even though I am the oldest of three children, I wasn't really ignored. But for some reason I tend to ignore this blog even though it is my oldest (unless we're counting my old Diaryland site, which I don't use anymore, or in a way, the old Angelfire site I used to have that has since as far as I know been sucked back into the ethos).
I guess the main reason is that although there are some people who read this, it doesn't have nearly the readership that my other blogs have. So it is easy to ignore. Although I tend to use this as the "serious" blog now. But I don't really have anything serious to report right now. Other than it is only 3 days until Goblet of Fire comes out. This is my excitement: crappily done movies based on one of my favorite books (my favorite in the series, actually). I just got an idea and want to post this before I try it, so you'll get two entries for the price of one.

In the interest of total blog coverage

2006-02-23T18:22:00.000-05:00

Not that probably a lot of people read this, but I thought I would put out there that I am considering following up on an insurance company that saw my resumé online. What do people think? I am pretty sure anyone can comment on this particular blog. I am pretty sure I enabled that. If not, or to get me more directly, hit me up at bknzone@gmail.com

Going on social security

2006-02-17T18:37:00.000-05:00

I think I may have come to a decision based on my financial situation, that of owing a whole lot of money to the Department of Education to pay off my student loans. I have not, in over a year since my graduation, paid any of it off, and mainly that is because I haven't even been able to pay my own bills, let alone something in addition to that. Well, it's starting to catch up to me. I guess if I had asked for an economic hardship deferment or something, I might be okay, but I didn't, so here I am. I think what I might do is apply to the Social Security Administration. I spoke to a guy at the job fair a couple of weeks ago, and although I don't think I'd really want the job, it would pay really well, and I could get all my loans paid off in just over a year, and then save a good amount of money to be able to go to grad school and pay for it without loans. I just don't know. I think it would be good to help people, and I might just end up liking the job, and I think it would allow me to have weekends and nights free, which would suit me. And I would get to dress up, which would quite literally suit me. The only down side is that I would have to get up early in the morning every day. That, my friend, would really suck. But I guess you have to make sacrifices if you go on social security.

The Joy of Cooking Steve Allen

2006-02-17T03:08:00.000-05:00

So I've given in to peer pressure (cause mostly by my girlfriend and the girlfriend of one of my roommates) and gotten a third blog at livejournal. Now I fear that this one will see even less action, probably because I don't get regular feedback on whether or not anyone reads it. Which is a shame, because it's the oldest. But I have decided that perhaps this should be the profound blog, since hardly anyone reads this thing, and hardly anyone is bound to want to read me being profound.
So I'm going to wax police-ophical right now. Yesterday when I was driving home I saw a state cop pull away in the opposite direction to pull someone over. I myself was a bit concerned because for a moment I thought he was pulling out to get me, or some of the people around me who were also going close to 80. But we were safe. But it did occur to me that it really is only the fear of getting a ticket that keeps me from really speeding. If not for cops or some other deterent, what would keep us from driving upwards of 100 miles per hour? Would accidents increase or something to keep people driving at more "safe" speeds? Would insurance rates go really high because of the danger associated with driving at top speeds?
All I know is, it's time for sleep, so I have no time to think about things like this. Unless I dream about them, in which case I'm more messed up than I thought I was.

I want my own computer back

2006-02-08T19:45:00.000-05:00

I'm quickly on the road to recovery in many areas. I have some luck in the work department, even if the only job I have right now is the temp one I have with the flower shop. There may be some hope when it comes to women lately, but I don't want to jinx anything or really be reading too much into what's going on. And for now I am borrowing a computer from home in hopes that I can at least have something to work off of for the time being until my own desktop gets up and running.
There's just one problem: no matter what computer I seem to be on lately, I cannot seem to get the alignment option anymore. Or is this a change that has happened to the entire Blogger site? Is it no longer possible for me to justify my entries? I want my posts to look neat, thank you very much. The way it looks lately has had me rather cross. No wonder I post more on Xanga. Granted, I can't justify there, but at least it's more fun and I know people read it.
Anyway, that's all for me. I have to jet to a late meeting that will probably raise my temper and keep me there much later than I have any desire to be. All my best, everyone.

Fantasy news

2006-02-03T01:14:00.000-05:00

Well, first off, this is the first update I've done since I got my other blog, the whiney blog. I've posted like 5 or 6 times over there in about 2 days. It's sad, but true. It's at www.xanga.com/bknzone in case you're interested.
Okay, now it's time for real news. I found out today that Order of the Phoenix is starting to film next week. How sweet is that! I knew it was set to come out next year, but it's nice to hear things are starting up. This gives me hope for the rest of the books to become films with the same kids at least.
Secondly, I have been reading the Narnia books like mad lately. I started book 4 today and already am 1/3 of the way through it. I'll get farther since I'll read a bit before I go to bed, but it's still been fun.
And finally today, I had a nice little brainstorming session about my books today, and concluded what the last book, the 10th book, is going to be about, and how it's going to work, although I'm still torn about whether or not Present Bob will interact with Past Bob, and how much if he does. Of course, I should probably get working on the first book if I'm going to get to a tenth.
I'll try to keep the posts up but without a computer of my own lately, I'm having a hard time. Much love, y'all.

Flowers, movies, books and more

2006-01-31T15:29:00.000-05:00

Well here's some good news. Now that I'm out on the job hunt with more activity there have been some favorable reviews of late. Firstly, It appears that there is no worry about at least something temporary that will probably help me make a couple hundred bucks. I have an orientation for a temporary driver for a flower shop for Valentine's Day. The orientation is on Thursday at 1 (which will cut into my time at the career fair, but it starts at 10 and I'll be there right away to make the most of it). Driving would only be on the 13th and 14th, but I won't mind if it's a way to make some extra money since I'm not making any at the moment.
Secondly, I turned in an application at the Kalamazoo 10 theater. The manager guy I spoke with asked me some questions and liked that I had cashiering and cleaning experience. Also, he said that after he checks his roster to see what kind of positions he has, he'll give me a call, but did say that if I don't get a call that it just means that things are slow and that I should apply again in the spring. He seemed pretty pleased with me after those couple of minutes, so I'm fairly hopefully, and won't mind if I don't get a call because I think I safely say that it is due to lack of available hours and not nearly as likely that it was something I did wrong, like bomb an interview (like I did on the phone with Target a few months ago).
I picked up an application for Barnes & Noble, which without knowing much about what I might be asked to do seems like a dream job to me. I love the store and I love books in general, and I am a writer, and envision having my own books there someday, so it would be pretty cool to work there. But we'll see.
I was going to fill out a Sears application online, but I'm in the library and it doesn't seem to want to navigate to the application, which now that I think about it might be a good thing, just in case, because I am on a public computer, and I would be providing some sensitive information. I'll just have to see if I can fight for some computer time on either Jim's or Jeff's computers tonight. It really stinks not having a working computer of my own right now, but I can handle it for the time being. I guess.
You may have noticed that my last few entries have not been aligned in the justified way, and perhaps there are some spelling errors. The computers I have used lately have not included the alignment tabs, and sometimes the spell checker doesn't pop up. After my accident on Jim's computer, I am not going to allow my entries to be erased because I wanted to make sure I spelled everything correctly. I can understand about the iMacs not having the alignment tabs and everything, but why not Jeff's computer? It's a PC after all. What's the freakin' deal?
Anyway, as I mentioned earlier, there is a career fair on Thursday, and I'll be going. I got an email today that there are companies looking for people with my major. I don't know if any of them will want me, but more importantly, if any of them do, I wonder if that would require me to move away from Kalamazoo. I am beginning to wonder if my unwillingness to relocate is holding me back from taking the next step in my life. Truth be told, though, that I am trying to do my best to do the best work I can for God. It seems like my time with InterVarsity fulfills that, but what if I am stuck in a comfort zone? I have to take that into consideration. It will take time and prayer to figure it all out, but in the meantime, I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be making some real money and finally be able to pay off my student loans and everything. A good credit score for Bob? Is that possible?

Stuff it

2006-01-30T17:25:00.000-05:00

Well, I said I would update on the status of my late night at the Valley and everything, but now that I have 1)lost my original entry, and 2)gone so long without updating about it, it just doesn't seem right. So I'll give a brief and hurried account for the heck of it, and then be able to move on. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Let's see, late night, played DDR until 2:30, tried to sleep on a rickety futon in hopes that I wouldn't disturb Michael when I turned over, but he passed out quickly. People were talking and shouting and making general noises that made it both difficult and to some degree easier to sleep. I had never slept in the Valleys until that point, and it had been 4 years since I had slept in a dorm at all, and almost 5 since I actually lived there. But anyway.
It's been a bit of a weird and desperate time for me lately. I have spent a good deal of time in prayer, especially while walking, which I did a lot more of because my van was having problems (which I now know to have been the front left brake wearing out for some reason, which is odd since my dad replaced them on both sides just over a month ago). And I've had an ultimatum set down for me: get a job and see a change in my financial situation, or else I'm out by the end of the month. I have spent some days in fear and desperation, losing sleep and being rather depressed. I did get myself out for some applications today, one of which is for a couple days extra help at a flower shop for Valentine's Day, and another for K-10 movie theater. I'll be hitting Barnes & Noble tomorrow for the heck of it. I would really like to work in a book store since it would at least seem to be something like close to my degree in creative writing. I figure my books will eventually be sold there anyway.
We had a party for my grandmother's birthday yesterday, and my sister got lumped in there, too, since my sister's birthday is Wednesday (she'll be 25) and my grandma's is Thursday (she'll be 82). It was fun and stuff but it was yet another reminder of how I don't know how much longer I'll be seeing my grandmother. I sometimes worry if I get a late call from my mom that my grandma has passed, but thankfully that hasn't happened. I do know that when she does leave us it will be for God's glory and in His plan and everything, but I can't help but be sad anyway.
Another fun part of the weekend was going out with my mom, sister and the kids. We went to the Grand Rapids Children's Museum, which was fun in and of itself, but then we went out to eat. Lily, my niece, decided to start sticking her pizza-sauce-smeared face against my cheek and was hugging me around my neck. I offhandedly said that I wished there was a girl 20 years older than her (she's 4, so that would make the girl about 24 or so) who would do that to me. She said I'll never find a girl or lady and I'll never get married (though she later relented and said I would). Uncles don't get married she said. As if I'm not already feeling pressure in general that I'm to the point where I should be married and having kids (though obviously it would be my wife carrying them to term, because, well, the whole physiology thing and all).
But the final fun of the weekend comes in the form of the house being broken into. I went home for the weekend, Jim went to MAC for the weekend, Jon left to go to his grandparents' 50th wedding anniversary party, and Jeff was out celebrating his birthday on Saturday night. Sometime between 5 and 10:30 was when the culprit struck, and it appears he only took money for the most part, and some things he could sell or wanted, like Jeff's camcorder and Jim's model plane. Nothing of mine appears to be gone, but I don't have money just lying around, mainly because I don't have money. On the plus side we might just be getting a security system installed. That would be pretty okay with all of us.
So thus ends my synopsis of the week. I hope you have enjoyed the rollercoaster that is my life. And if you don't, just look at the title and take my advice.

Let's try this again: Dr. Re-Type, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Trust the Computer

2006-01-26T13:31:00.001-05:00

I am sitting in the library at Western typing this up, because I made it to the International Luncheon but since my laptop is refusing to boot up I am forced to spend my interim time between now and set-up for IV doing something, and it might as well be productive, like typing up the entry I spent a good deal of time on last night and promptly lost. Alas. I notice on this wonderful iMac machine that a lot of my normal options are not available to me, like italics, which I would have used to make "wonderful" earlier in this sentence more obviously sarcastic. Forgive me, then, if for this entry anyway, that I use quotation marks instead of italics when it comes to book, movie and television titles, as I am more correctly apt to use. I thought about just adding a note saying that if you read it before I got a chance to make the changes (possibly tonight, but who really knows) that I would change it to italics later, but that takes a part of the heart of this entry away. Plus, there would probably be too much work involved. Okay, no there wouldn't be, and it would totally satisfy my English nerdiness to put everything that is properly supposed to be in italics in italics. But anyway...
I was about to start typing up about what happened with all the DDR action on Saturday, but maybe it is my mood, maybe it is because I can't do as much on this machine (like italics), but more likely is that it has been too soon since my lost entry to want to relive it again. I'm sorry. You'll just have to live with it. Maybe later tonight, or more likely tomorrow, I will fill you all in. Of course, more will have happened by that point, so it might make for even more fun in the line of writing blog entries. Yeeha!
Oh crap! I just realized that I can't justify this entry either! (That meaning I can't align the text to stretch to both sides of the screen as opposed to just lining up on the left; I certainly can defend and provide meaning for having written this silly little entry without worry that my argument would not be sound.)

I just lost my work

2006-01-26T00:37:00.000-05:00

Well, I had a nice update all written out and was about to do a spell check, but Jim's computer doesn't accept pop-ups, so I tried to change the settings, and then it wanted to navigate away from what I had written, and I lost it all. So maybe I'll update tomorrow when I am on campus for hours on end. It just probably won't be as wonderfully written as I brought to the screen and now have lost. Alas.

New Name

2006-01-22T02:25:00.000-05:00

Not that it matters too much to anyone who hasn't read my blog before this, which would be almost anyone reading it now, but I have decided to change it from "The Portal into the World of Bob" to "Bobblings" because this really is just a venue for me to rant and rave and such. It comes from my friend Darcy, who came up with it, because I tend to babble a lot, but because my name is Bob, she called it "Bobbling." Why not have a cooler name for my blog, eh? Of course, it would be even cooler if that were the web address for this thing, bobblings.blogspot.com, which I could just as easily probably get and change this to, but I already got a gmail account earlier tonight that I am going to switch over to, so why deal with having a different blog, especially since I already had an online diary before this and I still haven't taken care of that before it gets sucked into the ethos.
Anyway, I am sleeping over in Ackley tonight with my friend Michael. I will have more on that, and the events of this evening, later. Ciao!

Memoirs of a gaijin

2006-01-21T21:13:00.000-05:00

I have been finding myself more and more missing Japan lately. It could be an immense coincidence, and I could just be looking for things to remind me of it, but it seems like everywhere I go and everything I do recently has made me Japan-sick.
I think it really began to surface on Thursday. After IV that night, I found out that people were playing DDR in the Burnhams, and I excitedly joined in. Although I wasn't nearly as good as the top people, I was still holding my own and impressed a number of people. And since there were so many participants, I took my off time in practicing, doing the moves behind the pads and making myself more sore and tired in the process. Still, it was such a fun experience.
And last night we went bowling, after playing more DDR first. Jamie was there, and I asked her if it reminded her of any sort of club, namely JJ Club in Japan where we bowled once. (That is also where I played a lot of DDR.)
And today I was feeling rather drawn to thinking of my other country in the fact that we're playing more DDR and I got a case of vertigo again, which happened to me almost every day for about a week after arriving in Japan. I think there were other reasons why I have had Japan on my mind lately, but I can't think of them right now. All I know is, if I am offered a position to go back there again, I am taking that as the sign that I should return to teach English and to help the church reach out to the community. But I am fully aware that my desire to return could be contrary to what God has planned for my life. All I know is I am destined to write, and tonight at Friday's I was writing in my head and have since written down my notes so I don't forget them. God is pretty amazing when it comes to inspiration. I had 3 Dr Peppers and the creative juices got flowing. I have a new beginning to my book now, which I think will make it a whole lot better. In fact, I have a chapter title as well, which is going to make writing the thing so much easier. I should really sit down tomorrow and work on that, because otherwise I am just going to be able to make more excuses not to work on it for a while. With any luck I'll have heard from someone about a job in the next couple of days. Chuch E. Cheese anyone? I know I could really use some skeeball practice, oh please oh please.

Spending more time on campus than when I was a student

2006-01-19T15:04:00.000-05:00

Greetings from Kanley Chapel. This is the fourth day in a row that I have been to this building at some point or another, though admittedly only on Monday and today has that really been for any real length of time. I have been on campus for about 2 1/2 hours now, and will be here for another 7 or so. I decided to go to the International Luncheon this afternoon and met a rather nice girl named Yuko who hails from Tokyo. It was a pleasant conversation, and I hope to have more with her in the future, as well as with many more international students.
The "highlight" of the lunch, I would have to say, was when Kathy squished a donut on my face. She actually did it twice, though thankfully the second time, which was by far the creamier of the two, she let me take my glasses off first. Hopefully it did some nice work on my skin.
Haven't heard anything from the greenhouse job, but I did have a phone interview on Monday with Chuck E. Cheese. I would say it went pretty well. It certainly was a whole lot better than the one I had with Target a couple of months ago. I even got a thing in the mail the next day with some things for me to sign from their "Pre-employment" packet. Although I can't say I will probably like the hours (it is a mid-management position) the thought of working there has started to grow on me, especially because odds are looking good that they might hire me. It would presumably be good money and would be good experience, plus I would probably get to work with kids, and maybe I just might be able to get a discount for my sister if she ever wants to have any of her kids' birthday parties there again. The only question is, would I be able to get time off for things like Chapter FOCUS Week or SLT? I'm probably thinking too far ahead, so I won't worry about that for now.
My grandma has been in the hospital a bit lately. Not that I really think she is going to pass away because of it, but last night I did kind of let it sink in as to what would happen if she were to die soon. It has kind of put a melancholy feeling into my mood since. But you know, I'm not worried too much. If it means she's feeling better, and that it works to fulfill God's will, that's a good thing. Plus, she would be with grandpa. I just hope I get to see her again soon just in case.
To end on a higher note, last night as I was walking to the Valley I Bible study I happened upon a lady walking up my street who wished my company as she walked, to help her feel safer. We had a nice little conversation that ended on God, and it set me into a state of spiritual giddiness for a few hours after. What a good time. I do hope that my work schedule, presuming I get hired at Chuck E. Cheese, allows me to attend that Bible study on a more regular basis. But again, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I didn't mention that I made thank you cards (and one birthday card) before writing this. I can't draw very well, but I think the sentiments will shine through nevertheless. And I think there will be smiles all around.

In case there was any doubt as to how much of an English nerd I am...

2006-01-10T12:07:00.000-05:00

I just got back from applying for this job at a greenhouse. As I had already learned from the internet ad that prompted me to go in, it was through a personnel service, and I have to say, I was quite intrigued by the whole process. I went in dressed in khakis and a nice short-sleeved dress shirt, which I had taken the time to iron, and I made sure to write down on a cheat sheet of sorts all of the phone and address information of my employment history, as well as references. I needn't have bothered on pretty much all accounts. The only information I didn't have memorized, since they didn't actually as for addresses, was the phone number for the TRU in Kalamazoo. I didn't even need references. And judging by the assortment of people also there, I could have gone in wearing jeans and a t-shirt or something. But I didn't know, and I'm not necessarily sad at the whole thing. I at least get the honor of walking around looking nice the rest of the day (though, obviously, I could change if I really wanted to).
One of the fun parts of this whole experience was this little test they had us take. One of the questions, question 11, was titled "Pronouns." With that title in mind I began to wonder at the choices for answers, given that the one that fit was "the," which is a definite article. The next choice was "it's" which is of course a contraction for "it is" and not the possessive pronoun "its." I began to wonder in my head if they had a typo and were really trying to have "its" be the answer, especially because it would have fit in the sentence in question. But after a bit of pondering whether or not I should bring it to the attention of the employees, I realized that if a choice had been "its" it would have conflicted with "the" and have made it much more difficult to answer the question, especially for an English nerd like me. I figured what they were really trying to test was to make sure that people realized that "it's" and "its" are not the same thing, and that "it's" would not work in the sentence, thereby making "the" the correct choice no matter what. The thought process has me a bit tickled. I am such a huge English nerd, because grammar debates, even ones in my own head, fill me with such happiness and energy that I want to burst and dance in the streets.
I had a little interview after filling out the application and the test. I would say that it went pretty well, and that there is promise getting into the greenhouse. Of course, a lot of people have applied, so there might be problems on that front. There are orientations to get people to see if they would like to do the work, and there is one on Thursday, but it is hard to tell if I will be able to fit into it (though I will know today if I have a shot). If not this week, I will be notified on Monday or so when the next orientation will be held. Not that I'm holding my breath, but I would really love it if I could get the orientation this week, since it would mean I could see if I wanted this job and that I could take it if it does work out, and then I would be able to presumably start really soon instead of having to go back to TRU, which is my prospect if this job, or any of the others I have applied to online, doesn't bite. Although there is always hope if Jon's cousin can get me in at K-10. Not that I should hold my breath for that one, either.
I don't know if it was the application, the interview, or something else, but on my drive home, my eyes were more open and I saw architectural nuances I had never noticed before, and that added a nice touch to the day. Of course now, after getting back home and settling back into my chair, I am feeling the effects of not sleeping well, or maybe of needing lunch, so I not nearly as energetic. Alas.

Celebrating something that no longer has much meaning

2006-01-08T17:21:00.000-05:00

Today is an important day to me, and has been for half my life. It is odd to think that this "birthday" coincides with another that no longer has any real meaning since the person in question, Elvis Presley, is deceased (live with it). But nevertheless, I still to this day, 13 years later, celebrate the birthday of my first beloved brainchild, Nebulas.
This series of short stories began when I was in 8th grade. It was absolutely ghastly. I have been writing for almost my entire life, and even by the standards of that period in my life it was still rather horrific. It was my attempt at writing science fiction. I have learned since then that I am not cut out to write in that genre. Of course, over the years the characters have evolved and grown and I have done so many things to expand the Ferron Galaxy beyond the page, whether it be creating Lego models and characters, attempting to come up with a language, writing an encyclopedia with the material from all of the stories, etc.
Now, I haven't really written anything new in Nebulas in years, and don't really plan to, other than including it as something the fictional Bob writes in the stories that will come out of my Nanowrimo work. I tend to review some of what I have written, or one of the various files of mine based on the stories, as a means of honoring the work I have put into it. Plus, I always watch a science fiction movie or show, and this year I just enjoyed Star Trek: Insurrection, which is probably my favorite Next Generation movie. And I always wear something green (which is the color of command for some reason). It's a pretty good time.
It is becoming more and more clear that although I have a better scope on what I should be using my writing talents for, that all of the things I have written in the past have been a huge indication that I was always meant to be a writer. That really rocks the Kasbah.

A case of the anticlimactic

2006-01-06T08:05:00.000-05:00

I should have posted this yesterday, but my desire for sleep what it is...
So we had inventory. When I arrived at 6 yesterday it was to the request that I go and straighten the sports area of the store. Granted, only 2 aisles really, but still, to my horror, it was in shambles. I started getting mad, wanted to know who had done this so that person or persons could be recommended for firing, then thought of who the closing manager might be, and postulated that that person should be fired as well. But my anger and stress eventually subsided when I put my troubles to God. It ebbed away considerably, in fact. Granted, once inventory actually started up my stress levels skyrocketed again, but luckily I got to go home very early. I think they were trying to cut hours and saw that they could handle the situation since there were so many inventory people there. It probably finished pretty quickly, I hope. But I didn't really care. After I got home I ate, read a little, and slept for about 5 hours.
Now, I have been kind of bad this week home. Rather than really doing anything related to the job search, I decided it was better for me to watch episodes of The West Wing. This was not a rational decision probably by any means, other than the fact that it's my favorite show, I just got the 4th season for Christmas, and I have so many seasons of shows to watch since I also got them as presents that I am highly motivated to get through them all so they don't last me forever. I'm very weird that way. But for some reason tonight, or more correctly this morning, after I fell asleep, I had to get up to use the bathroom a couple of hours later. Granted, this is not beyond unusual, and the fact that I couldn't immediately get back to sleep is also not surprising. But that was over 4 hours ago, and I'm still not back asleep. I am starting to feel a bit groggy now, so maybe I'll get in a couple of hours or something, I don't know. But what's important about this time of consciousness is that I used it to not only finish a Star Wars book that I have been working on, but I also went to a few online job sites and applied to somewhere between 6 and 10 jobs, I think, with at least one place I will go to this afternoon after I am back in Kalamazoo. Granted, I can't say I expect too much to come from all of this, but I at least made an effort and hopefully something will bite and I can get out of this city and back where I belong, especially since I've dragged my feet enough, and school is starting up next week and I need to be able to work with IV and see my friends and not go insane any time soon. Plus the fact that when my time is divided, I really don't do any work on my writing, other than this blog, and that gets me no where closer to my dream and goal of being a published writer this year. In fact, I want to be published before the next Nanowrimo. Since I was able to finish the contest, I have pretty high hopes for getting published, even though that rests in the hands of editors who might not appreciate my work. Hopefully I won't have to water down my text to get into the literary world. Although I guess that's one of the reasons I have a blog, so I don't have to do so.
Anyway, I am going to nap a little bit now, as the only reason I am still in town is because I am waiting on a check that should be at Toys R Us by 3 hours from now. With any luck, I'll be up in time to pick it up, go to the bank in Kalamazoo, and swing by to pick up an application for a job that although probably doesn't pay that well and won't probably last that long, will still be a means of supporting myself for now. I can only hope.

I need to work on my freedom or I will have to hold myself in contempt of heart

2006-01-05T04:27:00.000-05:00

There is something strange about being up at 4 in the morning and knowing I have gotten more than 8 hours of sleep the night before. Thank goodness this is the last time I have to deal with that for a while.
But anyway, today is inventory at TRU, and getting prepared for it has been quite the fun task. I have had the "honor" of getting the baby section up to scratch, which hasn't been too hard, but hasn't been too easy either. Part of the problem for me has been getting the peg sections of the various aisles set to the point where there was only one kind of item on a peg, so scanning it into the system today would result in a more accurate count. For example, I had to make sure that although some blankets might look the same, if they didn't have the same SKN number (that's the number that identifies what it is in the system) then I had to move it somewhere else. That was my most fun aisle, the blanket aisle. I am still amazed at being able to make it all work, for the most part. God was definitely on my side. I was getting so bored and angry back there since all I did yesterday was check peg items and make sure all was okay, and the music wasn't playing in the background for some reason, and without it I became tired and bored and considerably more irritable. But eventually I thought about how I didn't have to be annoyed, I could work on it and roll with it and entertain myself in my head or by singing out loud or something. Plus I admired the cleverness with which I handled the situation. This is going to be fun counting everything out today!
But I have noticed over the past few days especially that there really is a strong truth to being careful who you spend your time with, as they affect what kind of person you are. As far as I know, and I could be totally wrong, but based on behavior no one else on third/early morning shift would seem to be Christian. I base this especially on the kind of jokes and comments made by just about everyone. I usually remain quiet and don't laugh at a lot of the jokes they say, but sometimes I just can't help myself, and either enjoy the humor or wind up saying something I really shouldn't. It also doesn't help that there is a girl who flirts with me a lot, even though she has a boyfriend. It is very tempting sometimes to flirt back and say things that are not appropriate, and sometimes I have unfortunately given in to those temptations. But today things will be too distracting with inventory to hopefully keep me focused on the task. I'm not going to be naive enough to think that nothing will happen, but I can at least have something big to focus on to help distract me.
I also have to wonder about making judgments, too. There is a guy, a new World Leader (which is the TRU term for a supervisor of a particular section, or "world") who happens to have under his jurisdiction the baby section. I don't know much about him. I haven't even seen much of him anyway. All I really know I have gotten from Shelia and a bit from my sister (and the impression I have gotten in passing by overhearing conversations from some of the other shifts at work). This overall assessment of this individual has been predominantly negative, that he is a jerk (and more unpleasant terms, but I don't want to run the risk of putting up bad words on my blog, thank you very much). He came in on Tuesday morning and my defensive shields went up, but after a little time I began to wonder if I wasn't basing too much of my opinion of this guy on what others said. Granted, by the time my shift was over I had some doubts about his decision making, but I was giving him more of a benefit of the doubt. With any luck, it won't matter much longer.
Which turns me to the job hunt. I really need to get a job in Kalamazoo. I know, I have been whining about it a lot lately. I need to get a job there because Satan really has been using this as a foothold into my heart and it tears me away from my service and worship of Christ. I am frustrated right now. I get tired a lot, don't feel I am as able to accomplish goals while I am in Grand Rapids, and miss my friends terribly. I already have to deal with missing Japan terribly, I am wondering how many things I can grow fonder of in my absence. I was made for crazy little friend adventures, and I don't get to have them when I'm stuck going to bed at 9 if I want a good night's sleep. And this stinks.
But anyway, I'm going to see if I can't get some reading in before I have to officially "get up" for work. I already have gotten in some quiet time Bible studying this morning. Although I will be tired early today, and will again nap because of it, it is refreshing to see me getting in this time right away in the morning even when I have to get up so freakishly early.

Resolve this

2006-01-02T23:51:00.000-05:00

Here I sit, up later than I should be, because yet again I took a long nap in the afternoon knowing full well that it would make it hard to sleep before I had to go into work in the morning. But oh well. It is the end of the second day of the new year, which in reality doesn't really mean much, because the start of a new year is relative. We just all agree to it. I mean, the year used to begin on April 1st, and they changed it to January, spawning those who still believed in the old system as April Fools. But enough about that. As much as I would like to use this entry to expound upon how cynical I seem to be lately, I want to make sure I put down my resolutions right from the start.
If you recall from my second to last entry, presupposing of course that anyone actually reads my blog and keeps up on it and reads it in order, I mentioned that I don't normally make resolutions. Can you guess why? I am not very good at setting or keeping goals. I kind of talk about doing things a lot but never actually do them. Which is one of the reasons I don't have a job in Kalamazoo yet, no matter how much I might want one and wish I could be there right now. I could be hanging out with friends or on another crazy adventure with my roommates. And I could probably afford it, too, since so much of my income wouldn't be devoted to paying for gas to drive back and forth to Grand Rapids. But anyway.
Knowing that I am this way, I don't make resolutions, because then I'm actually acknowledging that I have things I want to do with my life that I know I won't end up doing. Heaven forbid I actually make an effort and try to change and come through on my promises to myself. I'm apathetic. I am afraid of failure. I don't like rejection. The funny part is that when I try at things and go through them to not even always the best of my abilities I tend to succeed, or do decently enough to be proud. But it's hard to see that beyond the fear and worry and it's easier to watch television and read and sleep than to change.
But for once I am going to work on the change. I have already seen that I can come through on goals if I try, even if I am way behind (that is, Nanowrimo, for example, which kicked my butt at the end, but I kicked it right back and won). So I have made some resolutions. I guess three technically, but since one of them will hopefully be resolved soon, and only the other two really are about changing more in a long-term sense, it's really 2. So yeah.
Like I said, if you have read my blog you will have seen that I have resolved to be a better Christian. Things have been interesting in that regard. I talked with my parents about what it was like to go to the Mormon church on Sunday. It was a fascinating discussion that was the second spiritual conversation I have had with my parents in just over a week. It is wonderful how God has been providing natural conversations about spiritual matters with my parents lately.
But in this resolution I think is kind of a sub-resolution. When I walked to the Mormon church yesterday afternoon my danger sense went off when I thought that it might be that kind of service. I immediately thought that if I knew before I went in there that it was a church of that nature that I wouldn't even go in, that I would turn around and walk home and leave Rachel to wonder what had happened (and even as it was, she worried about me when I showed up just in time, as if I couldn't find the place). It occurred to me that I might not be as open minded as I could be. Not to say that I want to immerse myself in services at the Mormon church or anything. But that is not to say that I will turn my back on Rachel or any of her friends from church that might cross my path in the future. Although my faith is important to me, and from what I can tell is very important to Rachel and her friends, that doesn't have to be what any friendship we might have has to rely on. But I am wary of the fact that having non-Christian friends can be a means of keeping me from my faith, a roadblock or a deterrent or something. It is like a set of scales that is hard to balance, to know what is right, because as a Christian it is my job to reach out to those people around me who are not saved, yet if I spend too much time with people who are non-Christian and am not guarding my heart and allowing myself to be immersed in something like conversations that always revolve around sex or going to parties and drinking all the time or something, I fail not only them and myself, but especially God. I want to be open. But I know what might get me into trouble. My intellectual curiosity has limitless interest, yet I need to learn the boundaries of good taste, and what serves God best.
The second resolution isn't nearly as big, but it is important. I guess it's a broader resolution than I might have realized. I was going to say that this resolution was to drink more water, which is very important. I don't really drink water that much. I drink many things that are water based, like Kool Aid and fruit juices that we make from concentrate and stuff, but it's not the same. I seem to be experiencing the driest winter season in terms of my skin that I have suffered possibly ever, or certainly for a long time., My lips are particularly dry and chapped and cracked and have even bled and stuff. I know that at least to some extent drinking more water has helped me with a health problem I have been having. (Warning: I am about to talk about something rather disgusting, which is an actual health problem of mine, but which I understand is not the most enjoyable thing to read, so afterward, I will put in bold and italics and in color "IT'S OVER" to let you know to read some non-disgusting items. Hopefully.) I have had a problem with hemorrhoids. I mean, a really bad problem. When I'd go to wipe, I would see a big stain of red, and I would look into the bowl and find it bloody as well. My mom suggested I drink more water, and it isn't anywhere near to being a problem anymore. I just hope drinking more water can help to improve my health in other ways, even though there may be other circumstances impeding my health. IT'S OVER by the way. Anyway, in the water resolution is also the desire to get back into shape. I can stand to lose some weight. I would like to trim up my tummy. I would like to tone my arms better. I would like to not feel sore from running around or walking or playing with my niece and nephews. I would like to not feel so old. I don't need any help in that department.
And lastly, the third resolution is getting a job in Kalamazoo, if that wasn't obvious. Of course, all the time I've spent writing this entry I could have used to look for a job at one of the many online job sites. Really goes to show you where my priorities lie, right? I think I'll get a glass of water and see what happens next.

Ham sandwich, pickles and pancakes

2006-01-02T03:11:00.000-05:00

So I guess I'm not done posting for the night, especially since it would seem that my nap and the events of the evening/morning are driving me towards staying awake through my early morning work today. I have to leave in less than two hours, and I want to watch at least the rest of the West Wing episode I was watching before I go, plus I want to pack for the week and pick up my laundry, so I won't be snoozing until probably noon or later. Such a joy.
So, after I last updated, a few hours ago, I decided, like I said, that it was time to get some food. I decided to yes indeed have some pickles, but I wanted to garnish it with something, more of a main course something than, say, applesauce, which had occurred to me earlier in the day but of which I did not partake. I made a sandwich, with two kinds of ham and some salami. I also started to watch the episode of West Wing that I now need to finish. Not too long after I finished my meal, and close to half an hour into my viewing of the episode, Jim sticks his head into my room and says that he and Jon are headed to IHOP. Now, by this point I was still hungry, but not nearly as much as I had been only half an hour earlier. But since by this point I was fairly certain I was staying up anyway, and since I still had a $10 bill in my wallet, I figured, what the heck, why not live a little. I'm always up for late night adventures with my roommates.
So we get to IHOP and are greeted by two nice waitresses. After a nice bit of pleasant conversation that almost ended with us standing to eat, we were seated. It took us a little bit of time to get our orders ready, but after we got our drinks, we decided to do a little hopping on the seats. We were hopping at the IHOP. This attracted the attention of our waitress, the other waitress who had helped seat us, and I think the only other waitress in the restaurant, who seemed to be mainly serving the smoking section from what I could tell. They started doing a party dance and even leaned in on Jon and myself to dance. I all too briefly had the cutest waitress shaking her butt on my arm.
The waitresses stayed in our company for a little while, and the discussion continued with talk on the third waitresses breast size, bras, and what the girls would like to do to really dance out the party song by having tear-away clothes. I was trying desperately not to laugh, but kept saying to my companions that I was so happy that I had come (which made sleeping for about 5 hours during the day when I had not intended to do so much more rewardable).
Alas, when a couple of girls that the waitresses knew came in a short time later, our dancing attention dwindled. We had nice meals, though I couldn't finish mine (stupid ham sandwich). I am going to finish it up when I get ready for work in about an hour. And my eyes are starting to droop, so I might just lay down for half an hour to get rested up. Yeah, that's the ticket.
Anyway, to finish off IHOP, when we got our checks, on the back were drawn each of our waitresses, with me getting the cutest one on the back of my check. Alas, we did not get to keep the drawings, and alas, they were not accompanied by numbers. Of course, Jim is dating Darcy and doesn't need to get a number, but what would have been so bad about Jon or I getting one?

How can something so wrong seem so right?

2006-01-01T23:05:00.000-05:00

I have a lot to say about the last week: comments on the holiday, my attitude about the holiday, resolutions for the new year, and a bunch of other hodge podge. Hopefully I will take the time in snippets to digress on many an issue over the next few days, especially helped by the fact that I have switched from third shift back to early morning crew. Yeah, this should be fun.
But what I really want to talk about is what happened to me today. It was an interesting combination of forgetfulness and a willingness to connect with an old friend. And actually, the friend in question was someone I used to date, a year ago (well, more than that now that we have crossed into 2006), and our break-up was mainly because she went to Alaska to teach for a year. Our relationship probably would have fizzled out had she not gone, but because of the way things ended, I have to admit that now that she is back I have had the thought cross my mind about the possibility of getting back together with her. That is no longer an issue. I really doubt that will happen now.
It actually all began yesterday. I got a call from this friend, Rachel, asking me if I wanted to join her at a New Year's Eve party at her church. Now, I had finally had it confirmed earlier in the day that my roommates and I were actually truly invited to a party at Loi's and Lori's place, so it was kind of odd to now have 2 options. But I thought about it and planned to party hop. But I didn't know where the church was, and when I called Rachel her phone was in her coat, so she didn't get my message. I called her back around 11:30, by which point I was downtown and set to watch fireworks instead of being anywhere else to ring in the new year. She called me back after the dropping of the ball (and the city had a time about 20-30 seconds after my cell phone called it midnight). It was a nice exchange. She invited me to church today, and since I was actually in town and not sure when to go to the River (would they have a combined service for the holiday or their usual services, I didn't know, since I haven't been there since before school let out) I decided to go. The thought of going to church at 1 also appealed to me. And since the church is not too far from the house, I was able to take in a nice walk.
It was on this walk that my danger sense prickled. It occurred to me that I didn't know what kind of church this was. I had remembered that Rachel was Catholic, but I also had heard that while she was in Alaska she had "gone Mormon" if you pardon the expression. She had had Mormon friends while I had known her in 2004, but during our conversations it had seemed like she was fairly strong in her Catholicism, so I didn't know of the rumors were true, though even if they were, somehow I had gotten the feeling that she had "come back." But I wasn't sure. I had left later than I wanted on my walk, and I got a call from Lauren, and by the time that ended, it was almost 1, so I didn't have a chance to check out the name of the church (I had approached it kind of from the back/side).
Can you guess what kind of church it was? That's right! Mormon. By the time I knew this for sure I had already sat down, and things were starting. Had I known before I went in, I was fairly certain I would have turned around and walk home, but I didn't get that chance. Let me tell you, that was an intriguing hour plus of my time. It was an interesting "sermon" of sorts, which consisted of 4 different speakers, and apparently it was only a coincidence that a couple of them were on the same topic. There was even communion, though it was called "sacrament," and yes, I did take it. Of course, there was water instead of wine (I remembered that Mormons, as far as I know, don't drink, which would explain why Rachel was adamant in an earlier phone conversation that she doesn't drink). But why did I take "sacrament" in a Mormon church when I am so totally not Mormon? Well, for whatever differences there are between Christian and Mormon beliefs (most notably that there is a whole other section of the Bible filled with books that seem to me beyond apocryphal), I got it in my head that I should 1) not be rude to my "hosts" and Rachel by refusing, and 2) I knew if I didn't I would probably be asked why later, and I didn't want to get into a lengthy discussion, nor did I want to give them any reason nor room to try to convince me to consider Mormon ideas. It was bad enough I was sitting through a service.
But then again, it was almost as if the service didn't want to take it self too seriously. There were many jokes (which are not uncommon in church from my perspective), one of the speakers was not eloquent at all (and had to hold up his notes to ask what a word was), another joked his way through needing any sort of scriptural support (which especially irked me when he used something from the Old Testament, which as far as I could tell really didn't illustrate his point, and merely "sounded cool" like the speaker said, but more on scripture later). Another guy was talking about plainness, and maybe I missed what his actual meaning of the word was supposed to be, because how can he spout talk on that issue and then talk about how going out on mission (which I don't think was the same as me going on my mission trip to Japan, but anyway) brings you back "infinitely more attractive."
Yeah, so scriptures. Not only did almost all of what was cited came from I am guessing the Book of Mormon (since they were books that I didn't recognize in the least), when they actually went to the real Bible, it was like it was a joke (as stated above) and it also seemed tainted as well. It didn't help that one of the books, Doctrines and Covenants, was referred to at some point as "D & C," reminding me of a rather crude way of referring to a means of conducting an abortion from the book The Cider House Rules (and as far as I know, is or at least was used in medical speak, since my mom, who has worked in hospitals for a long time, used it naturally when I talked about it with her).
Now, in case you noticed the title of this entry (which I really hope you did) I want you to understand that I don't consider Mormon views as something wrong that seems so right. That is what I think of those people who are Mormon, believing in something that is so wrong to me, but is so right to them. And to some degree I can understand. During the prayers, from what I could tell there was nothing "bad" about what they said. Any of the prayers could easily be transferred word for word to a Christian church that prays in a similar way (more structured and formal). The hymns, although bland, seemed to have a good theme of growing closer to Jesus and stuff. But yet, at the heart of it, I got this feeling like there was too much bureaucracy with this church, and that their priorities were considerably messed up. "Celestial marriage" was brought up, that of being married to someone for eternity, and all I could think of was guys having many wives. Are you then married to all of those women for eternity? And there was talk of the idea that it's God's "job" to get us ready for eternal life (though I may have misconstrued this, I will grant that possibility). How can that be? I don't think God owes us anything. We owe Him EVERYTHING. We are pretty freakin' lucky to be able to receive His love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, blessings, etc. We do pay a "price" in that we must live a life following the example of Jesus and reading the Word and stuff, but it really is a matter of heart as opposed to deeds. I could go through the motions of reading the Bible and going to church and helping out with InterVarsity and everything, but if I don't accept Christ in my heart, then I'm screwed.
Maybe it has been because I've had time to process and think about things, but I think I could take on a discussion and defend my Christianity if I were to talk to the Mormons about issues now. And you know, as much as I felt uncomfortable sitting there and wanted to flee as soon as I could, I am not sad I went, because I truly believe God wanted me to be there, and this is why: last night I made a resolution, as someone who traditionally doesn't make resolutions, to become a better Christian, to grow stronger and closer in my relationship with God, to read the Bible more, and to rely on God when I am in pain and in trouble. You might think that going to a Mormon service on the first day of the new year would be contrary to this, but it was not. It convicted me that I don't know the Bible as well as I should, and that I wanted to read it to defend and prove that Christianity is right, and Mormonism is wrong. I thought about what their motivations were, if they were truly from God or if they were based with men. Here is a section of Acts 5 that displays this in words better than I would be able to do: 33When they heard this, they were furious and wanted to put them to death. 34But a Pharisee named Gamaliel, a teacher of the law, who was honored by all the people, stood up in the Sanhedrin and ordered that the men be put outside for a little while. 35Then he addressed them: "Men of Israel, consider carefully what you intend to do to these men. 36Some time ago Theudas appeared, claiming to be somebody, and about four hundred men rallied to him. He was killed, all his followers were dispersed, and it all came to nothing. 37After him, Judas the Galilean appeared in the days of the census and led a band of people in revolt. He too was killed, and all his followers were scattered. 38Therefore, in the present case I advise you: Leave these men alone! Let them go! For if their purpose or activity is of human origin, it will fail. 39But if it is from God, you will not be able to stop these men; you will only find yourselves fighting against God." (NIV) Considering the fact that Christianity seems to be flourishing supremely better than Mormonism, I believe and know that I'm on the right side.
But I wonder, was I put there to work on bringing Rachel, and possibly any number of other people, to Christianity? Was it to show me why I should not pursue any sort of romantic relationship with Rachel? Was it solely to convict me of what I need to do in order to fulfill my resolution and serve God in the best way I am able to do so? Things happen for a reason, we don't always see why. All I know is I want to read the Bible more and put some plans into motion. More on that, and how it goes, in the future. For now, I feel I have typed enough, and maybe have gotten a little too preachy, so I'm going to take my leave and see if I can't get some food. Pickles sound really good right now.

I think I may have IMAX-ed too soon

2005-12-25T04:32:00.000-05:00

It is the wee hours of Christmas, so first let me start off by wishing everyone a Happy Christmas. Since I almost certainly won't get around to updating again later, due mainly to family events and sleep, I figure this is the best time to spread my Christmas cheer, which is a mixture of many delightful, and some disturbing, things.
I not too long ago got done wrapping the gifts I bought, save the ones for my roommates, since I won't be back to Kalamazoo until Tuesday anyway. I am continuing a tradition I started no later than last year by wrapping each different person's gifts in different wrapping paper. This year with the addition of Benjamin I had 7 people to wrap for, and thankfully we have a supply of paper to allow me to wrap all of them in different paper. Truth be told, since the stores didn't have what I really wanted to get my mom (shows me for finishing my shopping on Christmas Eve), the only people who have more than one present from me are Lily, Kevin and my dad. It seems kind of silly, but it's something I like to do. I also like to not use the same kind of bow twice, and again, I was very nicely obliged by our bow reserves.
I also had the honor this evening, around 2, to decorate our tree. I know, it sounds really odd that we would not have any decorations on our tree so late in the holiday game. But this is the way things worked out, and since my mom and I went out to a movie tonight (more on that later) she was too tired to finish wrapping for the children, let alone put on ornaments and lights. So we have a nice string of green lights (the colored ones didn't work, and thank goodness I checked that out first) and an assortment of ornaments that I picked out of the bag and hung before I felt it was decorated enough and when it became boring.
While I was out tonight I DVR-ed a bunch of South Park Christmas episodes and watched them as I decorated and wrapped. And now I am watching what is surely to be my only real chance for a full viewing during 24 hours of A Christmas Story. I really don't know that I have gotten a chance to see the movie all the way through, even though I have seen all of the movie at some point. It has always been during this merriest of traditions, highlighting the best Christmas movie ever. Sure, there are those who will say that It's a Wonderful Life is better, or something like that, but I tell you this: I have never seen It's a Wonderful Life, I don't have any desire to see It's a Wonderful Life, and even if I did, and had seen it, it wouldn't hold a candle to this movie. It's not like they air It's a Wonderful Life for 24 hours, right? Do they air any other movie for 24 hours? Nope! Not a single one! That alone is evidence that this is the best one. That and the fact that it is just so totally random and wonderful and features a boy's desire for a BB gun. What could be better than that? Besides, he has to dress up in pink bunny pajamas at one point. I wish I had pink bunny pajamas.
Anyway, after working the night of the 23rd and finishing my shopping, arriving home around noon yesterday I decided to call Jim, to wish him a Merry Christmas (even though it was only Christmas Eve, I was aware of that, thank you very much). After that, I got the idea to call a bunch of other people in my phone list, and I ended up calling 16 people. Half of them I actually talked to (some at great length, like Jim, but most notably my roommate-to-be Jon with whom I spoke for over 36 minutes, but I haven't seen him in a while and it was a good chat, so I'm not complaining in the least), the others I left messages. It ended up lasting me until 3, when I intended to go to bed by 1 at the latest. It kept feeding itself. I would call a few people, get to talk to someone for a while, and then I'd be excited from the conversation and want to call more people. But I'm glad I called as many as I did, because it was really nice to spread some holiday cheer, plus it was actually a good thing to deprive myself of some sleep so I can sleep a bit before we open presents and I go to church and everything. I'm going to need it since I have to work tonight. Yes, that's right, tonight, Christmas night. It's going to be quite a hoot, too. With any luck we'll get to straighten. And if you couldn't tell, that is said with the highest degree of sarcasm. I hate straightening with such a passion that I do all that I can to avoid doing it if I can.
Anyway, why don't I talk about the movie, since it is actually because of it that this entry has its title. My mom and I had plans, since this was going to be a night I was in town and not working, to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. This was finally going to be her first viewing, and my second. Well, yesterday when I checked the listings on Friday, they had a 9:30 showing at the IMAX theater, which we both assumed also meant they would have on Saturday. Not so (although they are going to have that same showing tonight, on Christmas). By the time we found out, close to 7 last night, and only because I got up to go to the bathroom and my Spider sense was tingling so I checked the listings again, it was too late to do much, except there was a showing at 10:30 at the Woodland Cinemark, one of 2 new theaters the Grand Rapids area has seen open in the last 2 months. We have a very saturated market. I wonder if we'll see ticket prices come down. (Okay, I know it's a pipe dream, but it's worth a try.) This showing was pretty late, but by then, since there weren't any, and I mean any, other showings that night, and since we probably wouldn't have any other chance, we went and had a good time.
Allow me to digress on the movie for a little bit. Back when I saw it for the first time, at a midnight showing the day it came out (as I've seen all of the Harry Potter films), I reserved my judgment of what I thought until I saw it the second time, which I figured would be shortly thereafter. I was wrong (obviously). So seeing it again made me realize why even though I hadn't voiced it why I liked the movie as much as I did, even though it ventured a bit from the novel. As much as I love the series, I realize there are some things that JK Rowling just hasn't thought to put in her books because they are books, and when you add the visual element, you have to compensate and add some window dressing, so the fact that there is a school band to add music, or the fact that the boys would stay up late and joke around and stuff, this is fine with me, even if it isn't in the books. Goblet of Fire is still at this point my favorite of the books, and I still don't know why. Maybe it was because of the fact that I started reading the series after it came out and thus had it as the last book to contemplate before Order of the Phoenix came out. I do admit that I have only read Half-Blood Prince twice so far, so who knows what may happen once I have read it more, and certainly, book 7 may rise to the occasion and become my favorite, but I really doubt it.
Anyway, this viewing reminded me of one of the greatest elements of the movie series, that of the music. Okay, so John Williams stepped aside. I don't care. This movie had a lot of fun music, and come Monday I am going to own that soundtrack (I already know I am not getting it for Christmas, but didn't have the heart to buy it today once I found it because the stores didn't have what I wanted to get for my mom, so I decided to wait for now). I think what really does it for me is the song "Magic Works." I have sat through the credits twice now, and it plays at the end, and I love it to death. I felt the same thing this time as I did the last time: I feel held back by society in expressing my feelings, especially crying. Oddly enough, I am actually quite the sap, and am moved to tears a lot, but I hold them back almost every time because I am around people and don't feel comfortable shedding tears. It sucks, and I know I shouldn't let it get to me, but it happens nonetheless. I want to get the soundtrack so I can cry to that song in the safety and comfort of my own room or car or wherever. (I'm planning on listening to it for the first time on my way back to Kalamazoo on Tuesday, so there will probably be tears running down my cheeks by the end of my drive.)
The last couple of days has helped me to realize something that is not really important but still is not a surprise: I am probably the biggest Harry Potter fan I know. I'm not saying I'm the biggest one in the world. At the very least, that honor probably falls with one of the people at the Harry Potter Lexicon, but maybe not even them. No, what I am saying is, I have seen all the movies at midnight the day they have come out, I have bought the DVDs on the day they came out. Ever since I started reading the books, I have gotten the new ones the day they came out (which counts even when I was in Japan, since I had a copy delivered to my house the day it came out, but more notably, being halfway around the world and being on a mission trip couldn't keep me from giving in and buying a copy over there to read). I insist on reading each book the same number of times, which is why I must read Half-Blood Prince 4 more times before I am going to read the series through again (which I really want to do, especially books 4 and 5, since they have been playing on my mind a lot lately). Of course, a new Star Wars book series just had to come out, and I am reading that right now. Otherwise I probably would be through Book 6 at least one more time again like I figured would happen over Christmas break.
Anyway, there's really only one more thing to write in this really long entry, and that's to say that on the way home my mom hit a deer. Well, barely, really, but we did catch the tail end of it, literally. There is no apparent damage to the car, and we turned around and didn't see the deer at all, so hopefully she wasn't hurt much or at all, and at least she wasn't killed.
Well, it's getting late, I want to send some Christmas emails to some people, and hopefully get some sleep in before getting up for church. And then there are presents. But I know in my heart what I really want this year, and I think it's already started happening. I want to get closer to God this year. I've been slipping away lately, and I think I may have gotten a nice little gift to help things along. I tried my radio at random today (it hadn't been working) and it came on, so I got to listen to WAY-FM, and it was awesome. Music really is one of my greatest loves. Getting to rock out for Jesus is one of the best things I know, and getting it for Christmas was the best gift since Jesus. Happy Christmas everyone. Sorry this was so long.
No I'm not.

Happy Festivus!

2005-12-23T08:21:00.000-05:00

If I am to take the date mentioned in the "Festivus" episode of Seinfeld, today is Festivus. Of course, this is a fake holiday, but it's nice to remind ourselves of why, in the show, it was created: because Christmas was too commercial for Mr. Costanza. Sure, maybe airing grievances you have with your family, or trying to pin your son, might be a bit of an extreme way to deal with the overcommercialization of Christmas, but the idea is kind of cool, if a little odd. Of course, all we really need do if we want to take a break from shopping is remember that the reason we celebrate Christmas is because Jesus was born for us on that day. Well, maybe not exactly December 25th, but still.
Anyway, I did want to mention for anyone out there that might actually want to do so, I believe I have it set up now that anyone should be able to leave a comment for a post I have made. This may or may not be a good thing, but it does mean I know if people are actually reading this thing. Now it's time for some cereal and cheese and a little Saved by the Bell. And they're in college right now to boot.

A Time to Remember, a Time to be Sick

2005-12-22T20:46:00.000-05:00

This post is actually a day late for both things mentioned in the title, but nevertheless, here it is. Yesterday marked the 5th anniversary of my grandfather's passing. I think one of the reasons it is even more memorable for me is the fact that I was in the company that witnessed him dying. Hearing that final breath escape him was rattling and eerie and odd, and I can still hear it when I think of that night. Such a wonderful man, he is truly missed.
As for being sick, that hasn't totally passed, but it has enough that I am going in to work again. I repeated what happened close to two weeks ago, in that I left work early the day before I ended up calling in sick. This time it was mainly a sore throat and some stuffiness, as well as headaches and a little dizziness. I couldn't get much food down, and naturally a lot of things made my stomach want to eject its contents. Eventually things settled down enough when I got too hungry, and my throat felt better, so I could actually eat something and not retch. After sleeping it has for the most part pushed on to a bit of a fever, but it's not bad enough that I am going to miss work again, especially since my boss is a bit annoyed at me for missing last night. I really want to get another job. I did look online last night and posted my resume at a few places and everything. I really need to learn how to write a cover letter, then I should be okay, at least when it comes to applying places. When I let my creativity take hold, I think an interview is sure to follow. At least I hope it does. Though hope and 50 cents won't buy me a cup of coffee nowadays.
It's probably a good thing I don't like coffee.

The President's approval rating just dipped even more for me

2005-12-18T21:04:00.000-05:00

I've been waiting to update when I actually had something to say, and although I have, I've been trying to get more sleep lately, so that has led to this dry spell. But anyway, right now I should be watching Family Guy, but instead I have an address from Bush about the war in Iraq. This couldn't wait until tomorrow at 9 when I wouldn't be watching television anyway? I want my show! There is no good news to come out of this event, because either this speech or commentary to follow will take up the half hour of the show's time slot, or else it will end and they will likely just join the show, "already in progress." I suppose they could push back the start time of Family Guy or else put off the episode of American Dad that was to air, but that is to be seen. I think one of the main reasons I am upset is that if I had known I could have driven home at 8:30 after The Simpsons was over. I could be almost home right now! Of course, I could have done that this afternoon after church, since I was up for an hour afterward, or I could have gotten myself up earlier than I did and driven home before all of my shows, but alas, twas not to be.
At least I can be happy with the fact, albeit a few days later, that both Ray and Shelia (pronounced like "Sheila" but due to a birth certificate misspelling it is forever in written error) said that things went really well when I was in charge on Wednesday night at work, which was very good considering the fact that we were down about 4 or 5 people and one of the 8 people we did have was new that night. And we were only there until just after 8. Not bad at all.
One more thing I might as well comment on: I have most of my shopping done, with only my parents to worry about, and I'm not sure what to get them. And now I'm having a bit of a debate with my mom about the merits of Bush and the war in Iraq and how I apparently am basing my views on opinion but because she's a Republican she's on the side of fact. (Well, that's not entirely true, but because I said that I could have driven home already had I known that this jackass, and I say that with all due respect towards the Presidency, was talking tonight, and how he's just talking about how the war is a good thing and we should support it that I am somehow speaking from information gained from the opinions offered in the media and somehow not something I feel or that could be in fact. Is it not fact that the President's approval rating is really low, if not the lowest it has ever been, at this time? Doesn't that say something about the nature of things?)
My show is on now, and it indeed is starting from the beginning, although about 19 minutes late. And I've already been offended in at least 2 ways. Make it 3. Nope, 4. Alas, it's pushing like 10. I should just end this before I go offensive on your buttocks.

Boy am I in for it

2005-12-14T01:00:00.000-05:00

For the second time in as many days that I was supposed to work I am not there. Granted, the first time was for sickness, so you can't really fault me there. But after some thought and the events of the evening have played out, I cannot help but wonder what might have happened had I done some things differently tonight.
The plan was to go see Narnia tonight, at 6:40 at M-89. All of us seemed to be running late, but my companions and I were running all the later. I had just gotten on the highway when I noticed a sound I could only imagine was coming from my front left tire. By the time I was able to pull over, sure enough, it was flat, and shredded a bit no less. As I remembered from my previous tire fiasco, there was no spare to be had (though I did have one for my other van back at the house). By some stroke of luck, Jim, er, well, Darcy called to let us know they were running late, too, but when our predicament came to light, they headed back to the house to get the spare tire. After frantic attempts to loosen the lugnuts, as well as some police assistance in giving us flares to keep traffic off our backs, it was finally time to give it up as a bad job. It wasn't going to work.
I called my dad for help on the morrow and he informed me (as I should have guessed, and kind of figured) that the spare tire I had would not fit the current van. He also told me that he would be long in getting here in the morning, having to take care of some things himself beforehand. I called work to let them know that I wasn't coming in. By this point we were at IHOP. My mom called me to look for my AAA card, which I have not put back in my wallet since my return from Japan. She was under the impression that I should get the van towed back to the house in Kentwood tonight and possibly even make it to work or something. I instead decided it best to just wait until the morning to do that, and get to see the movie with my friends. Although I am glad I got to see it, especially enjoying an extra bit of company with my friends, who I won't get to see much of in the next few weeks, I have to admit that I realize how irresponsible it was. I could have, in theory, made it to work had I called AAA and gotten a tow, although it probably would have meant getting there late. I don't think they would have minded too much. I also have probably let my mother down quite a bit. I put my phone on silence while in the movie, and she called more than 20 times. I can only assume that when the calls stopped she was on her way to bed (or else got fed up with trying to reach me).
So here I sit, it's after 1 in the morning, and I have a long night in front of me before I set out back to the van on the highway, where I will wait for AAA to pick me up and tow me back to Kentwood. Sure, it's not when it should have been, and granted, I have messed things up probably more than I even realize right now. But it's what I can do. I'm walking because I know I need some time with God on that walk. It's kind of going to be like a retreat of silence in a way. I can also get some thinking in, and probably will be thankful for the exercise, which is also in a way a punishment. With any luck, I'll make it home just fine. Even if I have to walk.

A world of pure imagination

2005-12-12T21:58:00.000-05:00

It would seem my sickness is not going to leave anytime soon. I keep getting headaches, and it is hard for me to eat anything because not a whole lot sounds good. Blast.

But in other news, a bunch of us just got done watching most of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Keep in mind, this is the one with Gene Wilder, from the 70's, not the more recent Depp/Burton production. I think it's hard to be able to like both movies for their own merits; you either like one or the other (or neither, I guess). I think there is only one other person in the assembled company who has seen both, and he likes the earlier version more than the current one. Although I enjoy both, and can enjoy both for each of their particular moments, but I think I do like the Burton-directed one more, probably because it was more fun to me, and more visually enthralling (of course, it goes with what we can do in movies now, too).

I think I will get to see Narnia tomorrow, and another round of Goblet of Fire the day after that, if all goes as planned. I'll be movied out, and there will be work involved as well! How am I ever going to get my 10 hours of sleep a night? Er, day, I guess. I mean, I am on third shift.

No post on Saturdays?

2005-12-11T22:52:00.000-05:00

Alas, for the first time since I started this blog, not even a week ago, I did not post yesterday. This makes me sad. This probably makes you sad as well, but that presupposes anyone is reading this.

Anyway, the main reason for me not posting yesterday was due to me being sick. I was sick to the point where I left work early on Saturday morning, and did not go in again last night. I had a massive headache, hot flashes and fluctuations of my temperature, and felt nauseous and dizzy at times. All in all, not a fun day.

But today has been nice. I did quite a lot of shoveling to get my parking space clear, plus did some shoveling for my roommates so they could have better access to their cars without getting too much snow on their shoes. I just got a nice early Christmas present from the Valley I crew, and it was the seasons 13 & 14 guide to The Simpsons! I have been somewhat of an honorary member of that witnessing community to some degree, since I have been invited to partake of game and movie nights and such. I just wish I had known so I could have done something special for them. But would that really honor them? Isn't part of the joy of gifts being able to accept a gift without worrying about giving something back? I am really happy about this gift. I have done things for members of Valley I, like give rides to church and such. In a way, it could be like this is their way of repaying me for my kindness.

To add to my happiness, I received word from two of my friends today that they have read my story more or less to completion and both of them enjoyed it very much. It is good to hear whatever people think, but it's especially exciting to hear that some people liked it. I made people laugh! I'm so happy!

So now I relax, wait for the oven to heat and enjoy some staple. It's going to be a good a good night to top off this good day.

I am not having a good day

2005-12-09T21:03:00.000-05:00

This has not been my day. In fact, it reaches back into yesterday, both in the temporal sense and the conscious sense (since I am on third shift and things blend together a lot). It is a combination of idiocy and annoyance and made for a string of tedious hours.
You see, on my way to work last night I came up on a light going too fast. (I should point out that last night we got hit by a big snow storm.) Well, I started sliding through it, and didn't want to hit anyone, so I went up on the curb. When I pulled back off it the van was acting up, so I pulled off the road again. I thought maybe one of the tires was flat, but when I got out to look, I didn't notice anything wrong, and I was late for work as it was. However, it was not an easy go of things, but when I did finally get there and checked out things again, sure enough, the left rear tire was flat. I trundled into work and called my dad, arranging to get a spare in the next morning.
Now, I originally had planned to head back to Kalamazoo today, and the last two days of work we had gotten out at a decent time, but this morning we got out after 9. Then I had to call dad, wait for him to show up, tried in vain to get the bad tire off, resulting in us driving home to get an actual tire and a sledge hammer. When we got back, I kicked and hit and pried and tried to get that blasted wheel off, but it wouldn't budge. Finally, after many an effort, it was getting loose, so I pulled from the front. When it seemed like it wasn't going to budge ever BAM! I got hit in the face and cut my lip. My glasses had gone flying. I was bleeding pretty badly. Fortunately, we got the new tire on by that point and I was on my way home (but not before picking up my check, which I was able to get more or less on time for once).
Well, my joy continued on my way home. I got nearly home when the van started acting a little strangely again, but I didn't know why. By the time I did figure it out, however, it was too late to do anything about it on my own. You see, to add insult to my injury (almost quite literally), I had run out of gas.
My dad came and pushed the van to a gas station down the street, where I got some fuel and got home with ease by that point. By now it was very, very obvious that not only was I not going back to Kalamazoo (no party for me) but I wasn't going to get a good amount of sleep, either. And I didn't.
Of course, that wasn't the end. Tonight when I got dinner and set down my milk, I didn't see some candy that for some reason had been placed on the coaster, so my milk took a spill. That was fun to wipe up.
Let's just see if this all continues into tonight at work. With any luck I'll get out at a decent time so I can maybe take a nap before play practice (and I think I forgot my script in Kalamazoo, yeeha). And with any luck, if I get a little low on energy I'll do my Carol Channing and get into laughing fits.

They don't like me. They really, really don't like me.

2005-12-08T19:29:00.000-05:00

Part of the process of writing is hearing back from the people who are your test audience. So far that has reached 8 persons, and it will probably grow over the course of the next couple of weeks, but for now I have received some feedback from two individuals, though one with more intensity. My mom has been the first. Now, she has been the most exposed of the people who have received the story to the genre it ended up being written in: the weird and wacky and ranting style that has dominated "Writer's Company" stories for almost 13 years. My mom has mostly just told me where she has read and some of the minor things she has liked, with highlights in the text to tell me of spelling errors and such (something I have already been working on while reading it myself, but it always helps for a second opinion as I am likely to miss some things in the heat of my reading, and the fact that I am distracted by work).
However, my biggest critic so far has been my roommate Jim, and I am actually rather thankful for his open and honest and lengthy commentary so far. He hasn't really cared for the shift to the silly, and it seems he especially does not care for the rants I went on when it came to what I was going to do in the plot instead of actually doing it, as well as glossing over parts of the story like the Bible study portion (which, he informs me, is in the wrong chapter of Acts for the third week of school, and I have to admit, I totally agree, I just didn't know how I should divide the second chapter to make it feasible for the story, not to mention that at that point I only had about 25 hours until the story was due and I wanted to get to the end with something to show for it). It's good to have this coming to me from the start, since in all honesty the story really was supposed to be a lot more serious than it turned out to be for the most part. I am thankful for the silliness because some aspects of the plot that I hadn't considered have come out of this process. Plus, maybe since I have been writing like this for so long, I really like writing in this way. But I do know that I am going to have to bear down and work this out with these characters (who are used to the silly) and the situation (which deals with more serious themes). Maybe I could string it all together when a lovely musical number. No, wait, that was one of the endings I already wrote, and it ended up depressing. Besides, is there anyone else out there who wishes random people would break out into song and dance in a perfectly choreographed way?

Lessons learned through work

2005-12-08T09:22:00.000-05:00

Here I am watching the second half of A Charlie Brown Christmas (namely, the little vignette part that was made years after the original, but is still fun to enjoy), and I felt the need to update the blog again. I mean, I wasn't able to write as much as I had wanted last night because I had to get to work (and I was 4 minutes late, big surprise). We actually got out at a decent time, before 7 for goodness sake. As much as I may have wanted to get to overtime, I do admit I like the fact that I'm easing into things this week, since it has been a while since I worked 5 days in a row. Although I probably worked more hours in the four days I worked around Thanksgiving than what I will probably end up working this week, and I didn't have too many problems then (although I was very tired by the end of it all). Sleep is important, as you all know.
Anyway, I have been thinking more and more lately about what kind of lessons I can learn from my time working at TRU. There was a guy who only worked 2 says including last night, and is not coming back (he made a point to tell me himself, as I guess I was one of the people he kind of liked). During the time I worked with him I got rather frustrated, because he didn't really listen too well. He would wander away and not follow directions and such. It was obvious that I was getting another lesson in patience (which I can always use, even though I do believe I have improved a great deal in that area). I think there were other lessons that I saw at the time, but lack of sleep and time have drained them from my memory.
The other main lesson I think I am learning at work is not judging people. There is one guy in particular who is always running his mouth, talking and joking and swearing and putting either specific people down, or people groups. (He in particular has an affinity for slamming the homosexual community, which irks me to no end.) I have thought about saying something to the effect of "Psychologists say that males who make jokes against gay people are likely to be doing so to hide their own desires." But I just haven't gotten the courage, even though I feel spiritually convicted to do something. He has made mention of how on his night off he is going to get drunk and apparently enjoy the company of a young woman in some way (which is probably supposed to be sex), and I wonder if that is really true, but also if his life is really that full. It seems to me that all the stuff he talks about makes for a hollow existence. I have known a good deal of what he says in my own life, both in past and to some degree present. I have often wondered if I was meant to be a witness to the people at work when it should be obvious that I should always be a witness to people, especially those with whom I have a closer relationship. I think I saw one of my co-workers putting a Bible in his coat, but I didn't say anything. What is wrong with me? It's going to be an interesting Christmas break since I won't have nearly as much outward involvement in things like leading a Bible study or IV on Thursdays. Only 5 more weeks until the next one, by the way.
Anyway, I should get to bed if I want to be able to get up at a decent time, but before I do, apparently there is yet another Charlie Brown Christmas special that will air tomorrow night that I am going to make a point to see. Why we need another one, I don't know, and I wonder if it will cheapen one of my favorite Christmas specials (the original, anyway).
Also, I want to note that my first entry updated its timestamp, so all is well there. I don't know why I care so much, but I have to care about something.
And heck, one more note. I know this blog is new and maybe not a whole lot of people know about it yet, but if you happen to read this, whether or not you know me, would you mind leaving a comment? It'd really help me out. (Okay, I really just want to know if anyone is actually reading this thing. I want my literary ego stroked, okay?)

Considering my audience

2005-12-07T21:20:00.000-05:00

Gotta make this quick before I have to jet off to work in the snow. I'm ever so excited.
Anyway, I've been having some brief discussion with some of the people who have received my story and had some interesting insight into some of the things I should have done for my readers. Since I was writing for the contest focusing more on quantity than quality, because that was the nature of the process, I forgot to take care of some things, even though I did attempt to have somewhat of a plot construct and everything. Since in my writing I was doing this for what I thought was mostly me, I didn't think to put a title on the thing, so when I simply, for my own purposes (and the purposes of putting something on the "Winner" certificate I now have framed on my wall) entitled it "Writer's Company: The College Years, Part 1A" (since the main characters are from a series of stories under the umbrella title of "The Writer's Company"), I didn't consider that my audience might want a title. I also, since as even I read the story for myself, didn't think that someone might print out the story (let alone bind it into a more true book-like form), so I didn't think that it was necessary to put page numbers on the thing. Alas. I have to admit as I read the story I see things that I meant to build upon and feel sad that I didn't pursue in the plot, but that happens when you write the huge majority of it in three days.
Anyway, I have to get ready for work now. I don't want to be a half hour late tonight like I was last night (though that was to make sure I both finished and handed in my application to Video Hits Plus). At least I'll have my story to read during the breaks.

I wish I could take a snow day

2005-12-06T13:15:00.000-05:00

I must be compulsive about posting right now. This is my third post today, though I did sleep for almost 5 hours and watched the entire epic of Wayne's World between now and my last post. I don't think I am posting out of actually having something vital to say, nor out of any feelings of obligation to anyone who might be reading this (which by now might include the one person so far that has received an email from me since I added this blog address to my email signature). And it's not like I shouldn't be doing something more important right now, like sleeping, or going to pick up a cooking pan from Laurie while she is at work, especially when I am not sure if she is expecting me to pick it up right away or not. I am going to have some cereal before I leave, at any rate. Or maybe not, maybe I'll just go and get the pan after this and maybe pick up that application from Video Hits so I can fill it out and turn it in later today before I leave for work and suffer the horror of the roads. I am really lamenting the fact that I am working more days now. I really need to get a job in town that pays well enough for me to pay my bills. Will that be in the wonderful video halls of VHP?
So Kiva the wonder cat is sleeping on my bed. It took her all of about a minute after I opened my door from sleeping for her to scamper in here and make herself comfortable. I after wonder why she finds it so good to sleep here, not that it is her exclusive domain when she has a choice of the house. But she is rather fond of my bed. Of course, since I sleep better on this bed than I do on just about any at home (and this weekend I tried my dad's and my mom's for a little while, so I know), I am rather fond of it, too. Have I mentioned how I don't want to go to work tonight?
Oh, before I go, I wanted to say that, even over a decade later and despite the fact that I don't watch the two movies that often, it is pretty amazing how many lines from Wayne's World and its sequel are memorable and great, and how many I still to some degree use regularly in conversations. But then again, if e'er there were a movie star who came from Saturday Night Live who captured my attention and after whom I somewhat modeled myself (a scary thought) it would be Mike Myers. I'm a pretty big fan, yeah.
The mailman just announced the arrival of mail.
Here's the mail. It never fails. It makes me wanna wag my tail. When it comes I wanna wail: Mail!
I miss Steve on Blue's Clues. It just isn't the same with Joe. Or with Blue having the ability to speak.
I have been back from Japan for 4 months and I still have gifts to give to people (some of them are on the shelf in front of me). And I realize there are about half a dozen people that I have not written emails to since shortly after returning. Somehow I found time on the trip to write billion page emails, and now that I am back, I would rather write in my blog than to them. Well, that's not true, but here I am nonetheless. I need to get out of here. With any luck I won't slide too much.
No witty ending this time. I just can't think of anything. Blame it on the snow.

I don't want to do the dishes

2005-12-06T02:11:00.000-05:00

So here I am, posting for the second time, and it's been like 2 hours or so, but you wouldn't know that from the time stamp, because I didn't realize it was set to Pacific time, and despite what I try, it doesn't seem to want to reset for my last post. Of course, that's presupposing that it has changed for this entry, but we'll see, I guess.
So I'm sitting here watching South Park now, avoiding doing the dishes, which I have to do by 10 this morning. It's not like there are many to do, as far as I can tell. It probably won't take me longer than half an hour, really. But I think doing the dishes will just remind me of the fact that I have to go to work tomorrow, and I really, I mean really don't want to. I dare say I am crossing over into the realm of truly hating my job. Blast.
I was thinking about watching both Wayne's World movies tonight, because I have had them on DVD for about 3 1/2 years and for some reason have yet to even open the packaging, and out of respect for my anal ways that I get to watch my copy first, my roommate Jim and his girlfriend Darcy have been kind enough not to watch it yet, even though they really want to. It doesn't help that a while ago Jim and I watched most of Wayne's World 2 on Comedy Central, or that not too long after that they were showing Wayne's World in Video Hits Plus, but I think I'm finally to the point when I might want to watch them. I guess the main reason I have yet to watch them is because of the fact that I insist on watching them back to back, much as I have when watching the Back to the Future trilogy on DVD, the Indiana Jones trilogy, and the original Star Wars trilogy. I have yet to watch my extended editions of the Lord of the Rings trilogy together, though I have viewed them separately, and I look forward to doing so at some point, when I have the entire day, since it will take, what, 11 hours or something?
I think once this episode of South Park is over I'll wash the dishes and see if I want to watch the double shot of Wayne and Garth. Odds are whatever I do will be excellent.

And so it begins in a notorious way

2005-12-06T00:29:00.000-05:00

I have to wonder why I am even here. Could I not be doing something more productive with my time? I mean, I just wrote a novella for the National Novel Writing Month (or "Nanowrimo" as it will pretty much forever be referred to from here on in, and that's nano-rye-mo, not nano-ree-mo, thank you very much), which ended up as 50,144 words, so you'd think I'd be through with writing. Or that I would rather be working on editing, expanding, and improving that lovely piece of literary gold.

Of course, I also wonder if I am merely joining the throng of people who want to have a voice in a more worldly venue than their own spheres of geographic influence. Do I have anything better to contribute to this planet in terms of opinion or advice? Probably not. But I'm going to do it anyway, because it sure beats paying attention to the Kim Possible rerun that is on right now (which, as I haven't seen it, is new to me, but I don't really care, no matter how much I might enjoy the show in a "watch it if it's on" kind of way, or how much one of my roommates loves it to the extent that I got him a Kim Possible doll for his birthday and he displays it proudly on his shelf).

So that leaves me with the task to hopefully entertain you. Which maybe I already am. I can only hope. Anyway, I could make empty promises to update this on a regular basis, or make sure that I am witty to the extreme at all moments, or not whine about my life, etc. I am not going to do that. That is not me. Because I don't always think to update all the time, or have the time to do so. I can't guarantee that I am being witty now, let alone that I could be at some future moment when I cannot verify my mental state. And the fact of the matter is I like to whine about my life, no matter how much complaining gets me no where.

That being said, I would like to whine about the fact that I am an idiot. I have a job, but it is not in the town I reside, Kalamazoo. It is in Grand Rapids, which on a good day is only about 45 minutes away. However, given the price of gas, and the value of my time, and my desire to optimize sleep, I end up staying at home, with my parents, when I work, which starting tomorrow is about to expand to 5 days a week. This means I will be away from my house, my roommates, my friends and my sanity, no matter how much more money I will make and be able to afford Christmas presents and rent for the next couple of months. This bloody sucks. And yet, no matter how many times people remind me to look for a job, or I am prompted by God Himself I seem to end up just dragging my feet and getting no where. Though I did see yet another place that is accepting applications, Video Hits Plus, and tomorrow I will be picking up and then turning in an application. Of course, the first question that popped into my head that they might ask is if I am over-qualified, but of course, since I have a degree in creative writing, I'm going to have to say no to that one. Working in a video store will be just fine, until I can find a bookstore that will hire me. Or I publish my books, but that'll be a while. Though hopefully by the next Nanowrimo.

Okay, that's enough rambling for tonight, especially since it's my first post and I really feel I should do my best not to scare people away. Although I am curious what people found this by accident, because I am thinking I might just put this in my signature file in my email so anyone I send a message to will be able to visit here. Which may be a bad idea, but then again, I'm notorious for that. Or am I? Am I even notorious for anything? The only thing I can think of that actually is "notorious" is a song by Duran Duran.